Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
â Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. Iâm just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
A positive mind towards everything will give you a happier life
Keti kwenye mkeka @Ruksruks in facebook @RuksRuk in twitter Kahawa tungu na halwa ya zabibu yaja!!!đđ
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
â Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. Iâm just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Happily Ever After
Part one
Beep! My phone flashed signaling that I had a new message. I reached out for my brand new nokia 6310 phone which was charging on the bed side drawer. I prided myself as one of the few people who owned a mobile phone. A smile quickly formed on my lips when I saw the name of the sender on the screen. I quickly clicked on read.
No matter how high, I would climb a thousand mountains. No matter the amount of miles, I would walk them. No matter the ocean, and I would swim across it. Please meet me at behind mama Rukiyaâs house, the one who sells viazi karai and ukwaju.
I read the message on my phone over and over again. My heart was busting with happiness and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I giggled as I typed out my reply.
You are there when I go to sleep, you are there when I wake up. Everywhere I look I see you. I canât wait to see you my love
I hit the send button and jumped to my feet so I could start getting ready for my date.
I was born into a large family of twelve siblings, not to mention the ever visiting external family members. My house was ever full and I never had a room to myself. My sisters and I shared the bedrooms while the boys slept on the floor mattresses. My friends called my house a refugee camp which I agreed 100 percent right now as I struggled to open my drawer. The room was surrounded by bags and suitcases from relatives who had come to camp for another month or so.
I gave the drawer another tug and it finally opened. I grabbed my stuff and headed towards the bathroom locking the door behind me. I placed the clean dry clothes on the rack nailed at the door. Filling the bucket with water (yes there is no standing shower, we use a bucket and jug to take a shower), I started daydreaming about the love of my love. I remembered the day I met him.
He had come to visit his sister in law which was my sister Binti. My sister was married to his brother but had not been blessed with a child yet. It was love at first sight and I could not deny my attraction towards him, and when he asked for my number, playing hard to get was thrown out of the window with the simple numbers of 0733644666.
âNasra! Hurry up! There is a long queue waiting for you!â my mother banged the bathroom door jolting me awake from my fantasy world.
âOk! Am coming out!â
I quickly dried myself with the lesso and got dressed up before gathering my things and leaving the bathroom.
âBy the way mom, I am going out for a whileâ I did not need to give her a reason, I was old enough to go out without a chaperone as long as I was home before sun down.
âJust do not be late.â
âYes momâ
I applied the little make up I was allowed to wear, eye pencil for my eyes and some lip bum. I put on my shoes and headed out using the longest route. I just had to be discreet enough not be caught.
Part Two
I arrived at the meeting place early and grabbed a seat on the rock under a tree and waited impatiently.
âWhatâs taking him so long?â I asked myself irritably. One hour had passed and there was still no sign of him. I convinced myself to give him ten more minutes just so I could see once again witness the beautiful dimples on his handsome face. I would touch them softly with my slender fingers as he flashes me with his bright white teeth. I would close my eyes, hold my breath and feel the moment as I wait for him to lean in and give me my first kissâŚ..
âI donât think your friend is coming today and I want to leave. Will you be alright on your own? It is getting darkâ I was snapped out of my dream by mama Rukiya, the owner of the kiosk.
âYes, I think I will get going.â Mahaba yanikondesha nimpendae simuoni.
âBe very careful my dear. Mapenzi ni kikohozi hayafichikiâ
I kept quiet and gathered my things preparing to leave. Obviously, this mama has never fallen in love or has been heartbroken before. She cannot understand what I am feeling, I consoled myself as I walked away. I mean how can she? Does she know that my heart races every time I even think of him? That my cheeks turn red every time I imagine him kissing me? Of course not! I turned into a corner and had not realized how fast I was walking. I bumped so hard into someone forcing me to lose my balance, I tried to grab something so I donât fall flat but I failed. I fell flat on my butt and twisted my ankle.
âOuch! Watch where you are going!â I screamed to the intruder.
âI am so sorry I was running, I was late for a meeting.â The familiar voice forced me to look up and I immediately drowned into the beautiful blue eyes. My anger and frustrated evaporated quickly replaced by a smile.
âFaheem!â I screamed his name.
âNasra! I am so sorry I am late. Something came up and I could not get away in timeâ my prince charming apologized.
âIt is alright. I was not waiting for longâ I lied and smiled. Kweli mapenzi ni ugonjwa.
âLetâs see if you can walkâ he helped me by placing his left arm around me to support me, his cologne of mint and jasmine hitting my nostril hard.
âI think it needs some iceâ I winced in pain on my first step.
âShould I take you home or would you rather go to my house?â
âYour house is nearerâ I replied excitedly.
This would be my first time visiting his house and I was eager to see our future home. Yes you got that right! We will have two kids, a boy and a girl I a big mansion. Wenye wivu watajinyoga and we will live happily ever after.
My prince carried me bride style and I buried my head on his neck drinking in his scent. We followed the path to his house. We were engrossed in our own little bubble little did we see the person who stood and watched us silently from afar.
Part Three
He laid me gently on the worn out sofa and elevated my legs with a pillow.
âLet me get some iceâ he took off towards the kitchen.
I took the time to study the house. It was a small single room with a 4*6bed stationed at the corner of the room, a small wardrobe of clothes stood right beside it. The sitting room had two sofa sets and a table at the Centre. A small TV stood on top of a wooden TV stand. The common washrooms should be at towards the end of the entire house. I prayed to God not to give me the urge to visit them while I was there.
âHere is your ice pack amore miaâ
âThank you darlingâ I took it and placed it on my knee.
âLet me go buy you a sodaâ
âI am fine, it is really not necessaryâ
âNo you canât come to my house and not bless me by not taking anythingâ
âIf you insistâ
He took an empty coca cola bottle and left for the shop.
I relaxed on the sofa and waited.
We lived in a Swahili neighborhood where nosy neighbors were everywhere and everyone want to know each otherâs business. It was a town full of gossipers and rumor mongers. If anyone saw me here right now, that would mean social suicide. Suddenly, I did not want to continue staying there anymore.
âI think I should go. My ankle is feeling much better nowâ. I told Faheem as soon as he returned holding a fanta orange 250ML soda.
âBut you have not even drank your soda yet?â he was shocked at my sudden need to leave his place.
âI can take it next time. It is already getting late and I need to be home before curfew.â
I sat on the sofa and removed the icepack from my ankle. I got up quickly without giving my ankle more pressure, walked out of his house. He never followed me. Checking my wristwatch, I realized I have been out longer than I anticipated. I limped hurriedly towards home.
I found Simba, my dad, at the door eagerly waiting for me.
âWhere have you been young lady?â he asked me. I trembled at his words almost peeing at myself.
âIâŚâŚ..I went to visit my friends.â I replied with my eyes on the ground and held my breath. Everybody feared my father and his word was law in the house.
âAnd why are you late for your curfew?â
I was not that late, it was only ten minutes past curfew but Simba was a perfectionist and had instilled the importance of time keeping ever since we were young.
âI am sorry Dad it will not happen againâ I apologized.
âIt better not! Now go inside and help with the house chores!â
Not waiting to be told twice, I quickly ran inside. Once safe inside our bedroom, I took out my phone and sent a quick text to Faheem.
I am safe at home.
I am glad. Same time tomorrow?
Yes but please be early. Simba almost killed me today!
Part Four
Faheem arrived early for our date the following day. I had to rush there because the teacher had decided to extend the class that day of all the days. I was practically out of breath when I arrived.
âSorry I am lateâ
âI see you were revenging for me being late yesterdayâ. Why was he acting childish?
âNo itâs not that. You know I love you and I would not do anything to upset youâ
âProve itâ he knew I loved him and was now being a dick about it, testing my limits.
âWhat? Donât be like that. My dad would kill me if he saw me standing here with you right now. Thatâs enough proofâ
âHow would I know that you love me when we have never even kissed?â
I stared at him and could not believe what just came out of his mouth! He seriously had to take that road. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he got bored with me. I mean he was a handsome guy who was physically fit with his six pack visibly showing. His smile could charm any girl but he had chosen me. A plump girl with body fat in all the wrong places. The glasses I wore made it even worse and I looked like an ugly library girl. I was lucky that he even took a second glance at him.
âI am sorry but you know how nosy this neighborhood is. I do not want to be the branded the slut of the village by kissing you where anyone can see us!â I defended myself.
âWe can always go to my houseâ he grinned and looked at me with his puppy eyes.
âOk letâs go thenâ I could not say no to that. Cheers to peer pressure.
We arrived at his house and I quickly sneaked in, with Faheem following closely behind me. He slammed the door behind him. I dropped my school bag on the nearest chair and sat down anxiously with my hands massaging my knees.
âSince you did not drink your soda yesterday, let me get if for you.â he went into the small kitchen and got two glasses. He opened the soda and poured down the contents into equal options.
âCheers to usâ I raised my glass to his before drinking all the contents in one gulp. I was nervous as hell, imagining what my first kiss would feel like. Faheem must have noticed, he took my hands in his and kissed them.
âDonât be nervous, itâs going to be okâ I tried to respond but words were caught on my throat. I gave him a nod and smiled shyly at him. He held my gaze with his brown eyes not leaving mine even for a second. He removed my glasses.
âWow! You have such beautiful eyes. Why do you wear glasses?â everyone is surprised when they see my sky blue eyes, I must have inherited them from my grandmother.
âI am short sighted and canât see things that are far. I canât even walk without themâ I explained to him.
âItâs a shame to hide such beautyâ he whispered almost to himself as he leaned in for a kiss. I closed my eyes in anticipation, my heart racing so fast when the familiar scent of jasmine hit my nostril. I inhaled and held my breath as everything else felt silent, the noises from outside fading into the background. It was just him and I, nothing else mattered as warm lips claimed my own.
Part Five
The kiss was just like I imagined. I felt hot from the fireworks that exploded when our lips met. It was pure magic and neither of us wanted to let go. By the time we were coming up for air, my lips were swollen.
âWe have to stopâ I finally listened to my mind instead of my heart.
âBut I love you and I want you nowâ
âWe have to take it slow dearâ
âButâŚ..â
âIf you really love me, then you understand that we need to take it slow. Otherwise it looks like you just want to have sex with meâ
âOk fine, let me go take a quick cold shower then I will take you homeâ
âHurry up!â I slapped his shoulder and shoved him away.
He took his towel and went out of the room while I waited impatiently.
I removed my phone and started playing the snake game. It was the only game on the phone. I wondered whether Faheem liked me for who I really was or he just want to have sex with me. I wondered how long I could keep him off especially when I keep visiting him in his house.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I panicked and did not know what to do. I decided to keep quiet and not answer it but the visitor was so persistent and kept knocking. I got up and walked towards the door. I came face to face with the last person I expected to see, it was my mother! I remained speechless, words could not come out of my mouth as I tried to look for an explanation of what I was doing there.
âNasra! So the rumors are true!â
âWhat? Which rumors?â
âThat you are fooling around with this boy Faheem! What shame you brought to our family!â
âItâs not true mom. Let me explainâ I tried to reason with her.
âYou better have a good explanation as what you are doing hereâ
âIâŚâŚâŚ.
Before I could finish the sentence, Faheem walked in the room from the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. My mother eyed him from top to toe before looking at me with disgust and shame. She slapped me hard on my left cheek. I raised my hand to touch it but the pain stung like a bee.
âOuch!â I screamed in pain.
âI am so disappointed in you! I taught you better than this!â
âMom, itâs not what it looks like! IâŚâŚâŚâ
âSave you explanation until we get homeâ
Ignoring my pleas, she dragged me by the arm outside Faheemâs house and in the direction of our home.
âleo utakijua cha mtema kuniâ
Part Six
My mother dragged me home, cursing and shaming me for my unbecoming behavior. Apparently, rumors had been going around for a while and a concerned mama rukia had called her aside one day and told her all about my secret hide out. My mother could not believe it so she had volunteered to help her catch me red handed. Immediately I entered faheemâs home, she had rushed home and called my mother.
âI am so ashamed of you! How could you do this? you have shamed the family name!â what will people say?â those were her concerns. I was crying and begging for her to forgive me but it all fell in deaf ears. Immediately we arrived home, she took me straight to a room and asked my sisters for a padlock.
âYou will stay here until your father arrives!â she said to me.
âBut please Ma! I amâŚâŚâI grabbed her legs and fell on my knees.
âNonsense! You should have thought about the consequences before you fooled around!â She pushed me away as if I was infected by a plague. It was the first time I have ever seen my mother so angry, so ruthless. My sisters came to inquire with her but she just snubbed them and told them to mind their own business. She took the padlock in her hands and locked the door behind her on her way out. There were some rustling with the lock before I heard a click sound and her words of satisfaction echoed âit is locked. Everyone go back to your chores!â
I knew there was no one to save me. I sat at the furthest corner of the room, my face already turning red from the rivers of tears that were slowly running through my soft cheeks. I hugged my legs, buried my face in my hands crying my eyes out and waited for the inevitable.
I was startled by the noises coming from the door. I must have fallen asleep because I was lying on my stomach on the floor. My eyes felt heavy while every part of my body ached as if the SGR train had run over me. My mother opened the door and without even looking at me, announcedâyour father will see you nowâ. I got up and followed her outside.
My father was seated in the sitting room watching the late night news. I had not realized that time had lapsed and it was that late. My stomach growled reminding me that it needed food. I stood in front if my father and bowed my head.
âWhat did you do?â my father went straight to the point.
âIâŚ.IâŚâ
âSpeak now! You donât know how to speak?â
âUmm I doâ
âThen what is preventing you from telling me what you did?â
âIâŚummmâŚI…â I tried to explain but no words formed in my mouth.
âI caught her red-handed in Faheemâs house!â my mother said bitterly.
âAnd who is this Faheem?â my dad echoed.
âHe is the brother in law to Bintiâ
âWhat was she doing there?â my father stood up from his chair and faced me.
âHe is her boyfriend. She has been visiting him there and the whole village knows about it. Rumors have been going around about her!â my mother exclaimed shaking her head. âShe has brought shame into this family!â
âGet me my kikoto now!â my father shouted and locked the sitting room door. The kikoto is a whip made of sisal that is used to cane us. One whip will leave you clutching for dear life while the permanent marks will give you a reminder of the day of beating.
âNo dad! Please forgive me! I will never repeat it againâ I pleaded with him and fell on my knees crying.
âOf course you wonâtâ he said and the first whip hit my back.
âOuch! Aaaahhh!â I cried out loudly while I touched the area to sooth the pain. But the second whip hit my arm, while the third and forth one followed rapidly. Soon there was nowhere to touch as my whole body breathed fire.
âYou think you can bring shame to this family! Eh?â my father shouted while whipping me more and more.
âAhhh! Ahh!â I cried out loudly.
âYou think you are now a woman?â swap! More and more whipping came my way.
I realized that my crying and fighting back only made him angrier, so I stopped fighting and waited for the beating to end. My mother just stood at the corner and watched.
âTell the stupid boy to come with his people and marry her. I will arrange for an ustadh to come and officiate the marriage.â I heard my dad tell my mother when he was done beating me. I did not move from my position.
âNasra! Get out of my face!â my father shouted at me.
I managed to get on my feet and walked away.
Part Seven
I woke up very early the following day for my morning prayer. My eyes were puffy from crying last night. My body was embroiled with marks from the whipping and only cold water soothed the wounds and body ache. After a quick shower, I laid down my prayer mat and performed by prayers, praying to Almighty for lenience, for forgiveness and most importantly salvation. I had not spoken to Faheem but rumors from my sisters has it that he has been summoned to come with his people.
I was still under house arrest so I was not allowed to even attend my classes. I was a freshman year at Technical university of Mombasa pursuing diploma in human resource management. Girls in my community were not allowed to pursue higher education, high school was considered more than enough since one will be married anyway. I had to look for scholarship to pay for my college fees as my father was clear that his responsibility ended when I finished my KCSE. With my school fees covered, I would cook and sell snacks to cater for my fare, pocket money and any other miscellaneous expenses that may occur. With nothing else to do, I assisted with the house chores.
At exactly 2PM, the anticipated visitors arrived. I could see that Faheem was accompanied by his sister and brother.
âLet us see if he is a man enough to ask for your hand in marriageâ my mother whispered to me. I sat close to her with my father and aunt close by while Faheem and his people sat on the opposite direction.
âYour son is messing around with my daughter trying to bring shame to my familyâ my father accused.
âIs this true?â Faheem was sked by his mother.
âErrr⌠itâs not exactly like thatâ he responded scratching his head.
âSo my wife did not catch you red-handed with her in your house?â
âummmâŚ.she did butâŚâŚ.â
âBut what! The whole village is gossiping about the two of you! She might not be a virgin anymore for all we know. He needs to take responsibility and marry her!â
âWhat? But IâŚ..â I decided to intervene but the look my father gave me shut me up.
âYou just canât demand that my son takes responsibilityâŚ.â Faheemâs mother intercepted.
âItâs fine Ma. I will marry her because I love herâ.
Everyone fell silent and no one spoke for a whole five minutes. The meeting had taken a new turn and no one expected Faheem to claim his love for me in front of my parents. I was so proud of him and my love for him grew stronger and stronger. I was willing to do anything for him right now.
âWell, I guess thatâs settled. When do you want to come for your bride?â my father had to ruin the moment.
âI want a wedding for my son. Give us a month to arrange for It.â my future mother in law said proudly.
âAleeee leeeee! Harusi tunayo hatunayo!â my mother got up and started dancing.
âTunayoooooo!â my future mother in law reciprocated and danced with her.
I searched for Faheem and when our eyes met, we knew there was no going back. We were getting married soon.
Part Eight
The speed at which people can pull a wedding will amaze you. Everything was being ordered right left and center. I was escorted from one boutique to another, trying new clothes and shoes every day, asked about what I liked and what I did nt. For once, I was being treated like a queen, not the black sheep of the family who broke the community commandments.
Faheem was allowed to call me and we would talk on the phone frequently. He confessed his love for me over and over again and I was confident that we would live happily ever after. I mean, I was marrying the love of my life, Da! I was over the moon and this was my paradise.
For the weeks before the wedding, I was not allowed outside without a chaperone and covered up. I was not allowed to do anything, even assist with house hold chores. It is a period where the bride is pampered, massaged with natural herbs and oil to make her skin soft and glow. It was also the period where she is taught how to live with a husband, what she should do as a loving wife and mother and daughter in law.
Donât let your husband sleep hungry and angry
Donât be rude to your in laws even though they may not be nice to you
Always submit to your husband, prepare his both his food so that it is readily available when he come home
Donât leave the house without his permission
The list was just endless and I could no longer keep track. I just smiled and nodded at everything.Everything was all set two days prior to the wedding ceremony. My hands and legs were being decorated by heena, a coastal decorations for any celebration, especially wedding. The painting took a whole day! My hands up to my shoulder was decorated while for my legs, the painting was above my knees. It also takes some time to dry hence a whole dayâs affair. My hair was also relaxed and would be tied into a fancy hair style on the wedding day.
My phone vibrated signaling a message has been received. I took it and read it:
Hi babe, ready for today?
It was from Faheem. Finally! The big day was here and I could no longer wait for it to be over.
Yes darling. Hope you have not changed your mind either
Letâs hope your dad does not change his mind!
Hahhahah! Trust me, he wants to get rid of me that fast!
The nikkah was at lunchtime after the noon prayers. Nikkah is officiating the wedding by the chief kadhi who is recognized under Islamic and customary law. I was taken to the saloon early in the morning after breakfast. After a lot of hair pulling, applying and make up painting, I was ready to go four hours later. I wore a blue gown which was for the nikkah ceremony and I will change into a white gown during receptions. My glasses were replaced with lenses. I was picked and taken home to wait for the officiating party to come from mosque.
The nikkah ceremony involves the father or the brideâs guardian to give away her hand in marriage. It may be conducted in the mosque or at home. But the bride is usually not present here, it is only a menâs affair. Once they are done, then the person officiating the wedding comes to confirm with the bride that indeed she agreed to marry the groom and gets her to sign the marriage certificate.
I sat and waited for them to arrive from the mosque. My stomach was rumbling with hunger but I had no appetite. Besides, I was not allowed to eat so as not to spoil my makeup, the price we pay for beauty. My face was covered with a veil and no one was allowed inside the room. I could hear laughter, dancing and celebrations going on outside.
âwaiyooiyooooo!
âWaiyoyoooooooo!â
âbwanaharusiasemaaaaatakakitabuasomeeeeâ
More singing and dancing signaled the arrival of the groomâs party. I straightened my back and waited and waited anxiously.
Part Nine
âDo you NasraSwaleh agree to Faheem Mohamed for the worry you both agreed upon?â
âYes I doâ
âDo you NasraSwaleh agree to Faheem Mohamed for the amount of dowry you both agreed upon?â
âYes I doâ
âDo you NasraSwaleh agree to Faheem Mohamed for the amount of dowry you both agreed upon?â
âYes I doâ
The question was repeated three times before I was asked to sign the marriage certificate. With shaky hands, I signed on the portion indicated as wife/bride. Fresh dancing and singing erupted before Faheem was ushered inside the room. He placed a hand on my head and said some prayers before opening my veil.
I was wearing a white ball gown with crystal white stones strategically placed on it to give a glamorous look. It was not brand new as most gowns are rented with an exception of a few brides who would wish to buy a new dress. My arms and legs were tattooed with heena as per tradition and culture. A bride is not complete without it. I matched the dress with cream shows and a clutch bag.
I ditched my glasses to wear contact lenses. Unfortunately, one of the lenses fell down hence my eye sight was not to perfection. But that did not stop me from flashing my best smile and embraced my groom. He was my choice for better or for worse. He was wearing a white suit while his two best men both wearing black stood behind him. He was clean shaven and I could smell the aftershave on him.
âKiss her!â a lady from the crowd shouted. I turned red in embarrassment.
The wedding hall was strictly ladies only with the exception of the groom and his best men. That was the chance for women to showcase their dancing skills without their men feeling jealous of other men looking at their wives. But where a little freedom is given, things tend to get out of control.
The audience was waiting eagerly to see if the demands would be met. I nodded my head at Faheem signaling a no when I saw his lips turn into a mischievous grin.
Oh No! Donât do it! My eyes pleaded with him.
He bent down and just when I thought I would die of embarrassment and wished the ground would just open and swallow me, he kissed my left cheek and whispered in my ear.
âWe need to get out of here before I bend you over and ravish you right hereâ.
Part one
Dear Rukia
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Mama Ngina Girlâs high school. Please bring your KCPE result slip and a copy of this letter when reporting to the school which should not be later thanâŚ.
âMama! Mama! âI called waving the letter in my hands.
I could not finish reading the letter. I was excited and wanted to share the news.
âMama! I called again.
âWhat happened? Have I not told you not to shout my name like that?! You will give me a heart attack one day!â My mother came out of her bedroom clutching her dera dress to where her heart was as she scowled at me.
âSorry mama but look, I got accepted at mama ngina!â I say waving the letter to her.
She takes the letter from me and reads it carefully.
âAlhamdulillah! Congratulations my dear, I knew you will passâ she said proudly and hugs me.
âThank you Ma! Can I go show my friends?â I asked excitedly.
âKiguu na njia sio? Ok but do not be late pleaseâ
I jumped the stairs one at a time and was out of the door before she could change her mind.
I found my friends Najma and Yusra seated under our usual spot, the mango tree.
âHi guys!âI greet them cheerfully.
âHeyâ they both reply in unison.
âGuess who got accepted in mama ngina?â I say joy fully while pulling out the letter from my pockets.
âWhat! No way!â Yusra jumps in and snatches the letter right out of my hands and begins to read it.
âWow! But you are very bright, it would have been their loss if they didnât pick you! I canât wait to go to boarding school so we can share our stories when school closesâ Yusra said hugging me. I was off to Mama Ngina girls which was not far away from home while Yusra was off to Waa girls which was in south coast much farther away.
âAm attending a day school. I will come see you guys during visiting days I guess?â Najma whispered as we all hugged each other.
We have been friends for all I could remember. We all joined the school at kindergarten at the same time and lived in the same neighborhood. We have known each other for almost eight years and were about to go our separate ways and find our destinies.
Soon the big day arrived. I had done my shopping the previous week and was excited to leave my parentsâ house for the first time. My father had died while I was young, so guardians were my mother and my uncle. I had other siblings as well who lived with us but I was the first child to go in a boarding school. I was glad my mother did not object and had supported my decision.
I arrived in school and managed to clear with the admission department in time before I was shown my dormitory and my dorm mother. I said goodbye to my mother amidst tears and braved on to meet what the future had in store for me
Part two
The first term in form one is usually very short. I was determined to make friends by the time we were closing school.
My school mother who was assigned to me when I first enrolled was too busy to be my friend. She was in form two and had a schedule that was different from my own. Most of the time I would find myself alone with no one to talk to. They never said making friends was this difficult! I sigh in frustration. I decided to use my only card to enforce my presence in the school, outsmart everyone in class.
I was a bright student so it was not hard for the teachers to notice my presence. Soon I was elected to head the class. Students started hanging around with me asking me to help them with assignments and I was rapidly becoming a popular girl in school.
âHey Rukia, whatâs for supper today?â I look behind me and spot my dorm mother Amina.
âAggr, the usual githeri!â I complain to her as if she was in a position to do anything about it. It has been weeks but my stomach still bloated after the meal. The terrible food was what I hated the most in the school. I head to the dorm to pick my plate and queue at the dining hall waiting to be served the poison that my tummy had rejected. I eat it in a hurry before heading back for evening prep.
The term only had two months of learning and it ends quickly with the end term exam. Although it was a beautiful experience away from home and I could not wait to come back the following term, I had missed my family and most of all, a home cooked meal. I was dying to get my hands on some. I had lost a couple of kilograms ever since I joined but that was expected.
I carry my bag pack on my bag and head outside the school with my classmates. We are all excited to get back home to our families and soon bid each other farewell promising to see each other the following semester.
I open the gate to our home and see my mother through the kitchen window.
âMa am here!â I shouted running towards the house expecting to be scowled again for shouting.
âRukia my darling!â instead my mother stretches her arms and hugs me tightly. âWe have missed youâ.
âI missed you too mama!â I hug her back.
I go into the bedroom and change out of my uniform. My mother hands me a plate of food.
âI know you have missed good food. Look at you! You are so skinny! What are they feeding you there?â she exclaimed touching me.
âAm fine ma!â I say loudly and back off from her.
âOk, eat your meal. Then I will share some news with you!â she said happily as she sang away to the tunes of a taarab song that was playing on the radio:
Mlingoti chuma…..
Pia Kamba chuma…..
Na bendera chuuuuuuma….
Debe tupu eeeeâŚ
Wacha zako keleleeeeeâŚ.
Part three
I finished my meal quickly and washed the plate. Looking for my mother, I saw she was busy talking to my uncle so I left the house and went to look for my friends Yusra and Najma. I had really missed them.
âHi girl! I missed you! âI found Najma first, she lived near our home.
âI missed you too Ruksâ
âHow is day school, made new friends?â
âYes, I made some friends. Day school is ok I guess, but I wish I was in boarding school like you guys. You are lucky your parents accepted.â
âAm so sorry your parents refused. I made friends too and boarding school is great. I got to meet different people from different cultures, it is just amazing!â I squealed as I blabbed on and on about my new life experience. We finally decided to go look for Yusra.
âAssalam Aleykum. Is Yusra here?â We asked her mother who was sat outside. She informed us that she was inside her room. We went in and knocked.
âHi guys! How did you know I just arrived?â Yusra opened the door surprised to see us.
âWe didnâtâ
âWell, come on inâ
We sat on the bed and watched her unpack her stuff as we chatted. I notice that she has also lost a few kilograms.
âHow is Waa girls treating you?â Najma inquired with Yusra.
âItâs so great. I am enjoying the diversity there. I canât wait to go backâ
âMe too!â we high five each other.
The afternoon passed quickly with each one of us eager to be the storyteller. We had a lot to catch up on but alas! We had to say goodbye and go home. I left to go home only to be met by my angry uncle.
âWhere have you been all afternoon?â he stood at the gate waiting for me.
âTo see my friendsâ
âUntil this late?â
âIt is only six in the evening!â I complained.
âFor a young lady like you, it is late. Go inside and help your mother with the house chores before I smack you!â
I did not wait to be told twice.
The school break was spent mostly with me helping my mother at home. I would occasionally visit my friends but would make sure I come back early before my uncle noticed I had left.
One day, my mother informed me that there were visitors coming and that I should help her and my sisters prepare a feast. We were in the kitchen the whole morning making all kind of foods, from pilau, kachumbari, passion juice, fruit custard for desert.
After we were done, we cleaned up but my mother surprised me by pulling aside my sister and me, she gave us new dresses to wear.
âI want you girls to look beautiful todayâ she insisted.
My sister Sabrina, was two years younger than me. She was in primary school class 6. Although she was young, she was curvy and looked made any dress she wore look pretty. We were both excited to get new dresses and play dress up.
Our visitors arrived. They were two young men not older than twenty five years and two older wazee accompanied by three ladies. My mother called us and introduced us to the visitors. We shyly said our salaams and quickly left before coming back with the food to serve them. We could hear whispers between them but continued our task before quietly leaving.
When the visitors left, my mother and uncle called my sister and me.
âFrom now on, no leaving the house unaccompanied by a chaperoneâ my uncle said.
âWhat do you mean?â I asked surprised.
âWhat he means dear is that those visitors were here to ask for your hand in marriage. Both you and Sabrina. You will be getting married soon inshallahâ
Part four
I stood there bewildered with my heart racing so fast I was sure I would faint. I looked at my mother then back at my uncle for any glimpse of a joke that I may have missed, but the hard truth slapped me right on my face. My sister Sabri broke down crying.
âMom, please donât do thisâ I knelt down to her feet begging.
âThis is a blessing my dear so donât cry. Other girls would be envious of you. It is always a motherâs dream to have her daughterâs married off young, not when you are all old even make up canât hide the wrinkles.â
âBut Ma, we need to finish school firstâ I protested.
âYou will finish school at your husbandâs houseâ my uncle intervened.
That is when I realized I had lost the battle. My uncle will never let this go. He was convinced of marrying us off and thatâs exactly what he will do. I walked away wishing my father was alive, maybe he would have done things differently.
I turned the lock on the bedroom door while tears of sorrow ran down my cheeks. All my dreams and hopes were being slashed right before my beautiful brown eyes. I cursed the day I was born. I cursed my culture. I cursed my life as I sank to the floor hugging myself.
God, why are you letting this happen to me? I asked myself. What did I do wrong? Please have mercy on me, I pleaded. I lay down on the floor with no strength left. Soon, my eye lids become to feel heavy and I was welcomed by the loving arms of sleep.
I was never allowed to leave the house from then on wards. My sister and I remained under the watchful eye of my mother and my uncle. The days were long but the nights were longer. I would stay awake alone most of the night. The wedding date had been discussed and it would take place in a monthâs time after the dowry has been paid in full. We were getting married to brothers of the same family, so the wedding will be on the same day to reduce costs.
I was never introduced to my husband to be. I was informed I will meet him in due course. I watched everyday as family members came in and out of our house to discuss the wedding preparations. Everyone was excited about the wedding and no one came to my side
When school was almost opening, I begged my mother to let me go say goodbye to Yusra since she was leaving for school. Luck was on my side that day because she agreed without much hesitation. I headed out alone.
âHi gal! Where have you been hiding?â Yusra hugged me as soon she saw me.
âAt homeâ
âYou have been cooked up at home all this time? I thought maybe you had traveledâ
âNo I didnât travel dearâ
âSo what new? Ready to go back to Mama Ngina?â
âActually, thatâs why am here. I wonât be going back to school. I am getting marriedâ.
I had no more energy left to fight. I was ready to submit to my fate.
Part five
âWhat do you mean you are getting married?â Yusra raised her eyebrows confused.
âMy family has arranged for me to get married so I will not be going back to school.â I could not control the stream of tears that ran down my cheeks. Yusra spread her arms enveloping me into the hug that I had been craving for weeks. I let it all out.
âI better get back home before I get into trouble.â
âSo what are you going to do about it?â
âNothing. â
âYou canât let them win. You need to finish school Rukia. Do not allow yourself to go to waste.â
âBut what more can I do huh? I have cried, pleaded and begged but no one is listening to me.â I waved my hands in frustration.
Yusra got up and paced the room thinking. She went to the window and looked outside as if searching for something or someone. She eventually turned back to me grinning.
âI have an idea but you have to promise me that you will go through with it. It is our only hopeâ.
âI am listeningâ
âLet us go report this to the Ministry of Education. I have seen Khadija Kareem speaking about helping students before when she visited our school. She should be in a position to help us.â
âHuh? You are crazy! Ministry of Education? And where will we find her? Itâs not like we can just walk into her officeâ. It was my turn to pace the room.
I knew Yusra was nuts but I never thought she was this crazy! She was a go getter who went for want she wanted without thinking twice. She was the black sheep in the group who broke all the rules if it meant her being happy thus considered bad influence by parents. But she never cared what society thought of her. As far as she was concerned, she had her life in her hands. I looked at her and wished I had her rebellious spirit, fierceness and was brave enough to do what she is asking me to do.
âRelax Rukia! I will find out where the branch is in Mombasa and I will take you there. You just have faith and never back down no matter how ugly things get. Ok?â
âOkâ
âGood, now go home before your uncle sends KDF to look for youâ.
Part six
It has been a week since I spoke to Yusra and she has not given me any feedback. Count down to the wedding was fast approaching and she was my only hope. I wondered what would happen if she went back to school.
âAS. Is Rukia here? I want her to take me shopping for schoolâ. I heard someone talk to my mother.
âWS. Fine but please donât stay longâ
âThank you Ma.â
My bedroom door is soon pushed open and in comes Yusra with a huge smile plastered on her face.
âCome on. We need to go!â
I sprang to my feet not waiting to be told twice grabbing my buibui and head scarf.
âSo where are we going?â I asked Yusra once we were out of earshot.
âTo the ministry of Education to see Mrs. Khadija Kareem.â She said calmly.
âWow! Where did you find her?â I asked enthusiastically.
âA magician never reveals his secretâ she winked at me.
We took a matatu and headed off to town. We alighted at Posta went into Bima tower building.
âAre you sure you know where we are going?â I asked nervously.
âYes, I know. Now shut up and let me do the talkingâ she hissed as we approached the askari.
âHi. We are here to see Mrs. Kareemâ I hear her talking explaining to the askari and I catch my breath waiting.
âGo to second floorâ. Phew! That was easy. We take the stairs and head up. We are met by a lady at the front reception.
As usual, Yusra takes the lead as I sat quietly listening to her explaining our reason for being here.
âDo you have an appointment?â
âNo but we really need to see todayâ
âOk sit down and give me a minuteâ
We sit and wait anxiously.
Ten minutes pass and we are soon called inside. âShe will see you nowâ.
âAlhamdulillah! I thank my God almighty.
We enter into a large office and find her sitting in her chair. She get up to great us and welcomes us.
âHi girls. How are you?â
âWe are fine, thanks for askingâ
âWhat brings you to my office today?â
âMy name is Yusra and this is my best friend Rukia. We are both in form one but Rukiaâs family wants to marry her off. We need your assistance.â
She turns and looks at Rukia who has been quiet all this time and asks her if it is true. She nods a yes in confirmation. She then gets up, heads to her desk and presses the intercom on her phone and asks her someone to come. We are soon joined by a gentleman.
âI am assigning this case to my staff who will look into it in case I am not around. So this girls are here because of forced marriageâ she updates the new audience.
âDo you have a boyfriend that they donât like thatâs why they are marrying you off?â he inquired.
âNoâ
âWhich school do you attend?â
âMama Nginaâ
âWhat grade did you get last term?â
âAâ
âWhere do you stay? Who do you stay with? He shot a lot of questions while jotting the answers in his notepad. When he was finally satisfied, he said âwe will contact the school and ask them to invite your parents, that way they donât suspect anything. Once they show up, we will be there. In the meantime, do not say anything and keep out of trouble.â
âThank youâ
We left the office squealing with excitement. I could not believe the progress we had made. Finally, I could see light at the end of the tunnel. But little did I know that I had just lit a fire that may be too big for me to jump.
Part seven
My friend encouraged me never to give up as she left for school. I braved on as I waited. My mother received a call from the school to visit the Mrs. Khadija Kareemâs office. She agreed and visited her.
She came back fuming with anger. She called my uncle and told him that she has been told to stop with the marriage plans. They decided to consult a lawyer. Luckily, she was not aware that it was me who reported her. My primary school teacher was the main suspect. The lawyer representing my family wrote a letter to Mrs. Kareem highlighting that she could not interfere with matters of culture and religion, and that they were willing to take the matter into court. I had started a war I was not sure how it would end.
The wedding preparations continued as normal. My wedding gown soon arrived for me to try on. It was a white ball gown with short sleeves that hugged my curves. It was a perfect fit.
âDo you like it?â my mom asked.
âYes itâs okâ I answer absentmindedly.
âTry the shoesâ
The weeks that followed were full of anticipation. I was not allowed out of the house anymore. I was not allowed to do household chores, I was pampered. My body was scrubbed with natural herbs, then coconut oil applied until it glowed. My hair was washed with rose petals and Yasmin flowers until it smelled of the fragrance. More clothes and shoes were brought for me to try. I was like an Egyptian goddess.
I sat and waited for weeks for something to happen but alas! I had come to the end of my rope, I thought as I sat down to have my heena applied in my hands. I was tired from spreading my arms so the pattern does not spoil. Should I ran away, but where will I go? How will I go back to school without school fees? There was no hope left.
The heena tattoo took the whole day. I was exhausted by the time I lay on my bed. âI am sorryâ I apologized to myself before sleep engulfed me.
âDo you Rukia agree to marryâŚâŚ..â I was in my own world and did not even hear the rest of the sentence. I felt numb and sat like a zombie waiting to be told what to do next. Someone coughed âwe are waitingâ out aloud which jotted be back from my dreamland. I looked around to see everyone staring at me eagerly.
âYes, I doâ I finally whispered the words.
âWaiyoyo! Waiyooooooo!â singing and dancing erupted.
The photo session was endless with different postures at different angles.
âSmile pleaseâ I hear people telling me but I did not care. Weddings were exhausting. The music changes to signal arrival of the groom. I watch him take the steps escorted by his family towards me. I inhale and wait. He kisses me on my forehead and sits beside me. We take more photos before I am whisked away by my groom.
Part eight
We enter the house and I am directed to our bedroom immediately. My luggage brought in afterwards. I stare at the room. It has a bed at the end which was covered in crystal white bed sheet. A dressing table placed at the corner. A huge cupboard stands right next to the other wall. I donât fail to notice that it was a family house, so I will be sharing the rest of the house with my in laws. I sit on the bed and wait anxiously.
Some of my family members who had followed me come to check on me.
âAre you ok?â
âYesâ
âThe white bedsheet is there for a reason. Do not remove it.â
âExcuse me?â
âYour first time will be a bit bloody. The nosy aunties need the bloody bed sheets as proof that you were a virgin when you got married. They will come to collect it in the morning. But it will be better afterwards.â she winked at me before leaving me to my misery.
I remove my shoes and change out of my gown careful not to spoil it. I find a simple dera dress from the cupboard which I change into. I open a water bottle and take a sip from it. My stomach growls in reminder and I take a bit from the food placed on the table to silence the beast. It had been a long day spent without eating, I was hungry and exhausted. My groom does not appear soon. I hear them talking and laughing loudly outside. I hurry up and finish eating.
I head towards the bed and lie on the farthest corner of the bed. I hear the door open and close behind the intruder. I stay quiet pretending to be asleep.
I feel the bed sink in beside me and a shadow looms over me. I barely breathe.
âRukia, are you asleepâ
I keep quiet and do not reply.
âRukiaâ a hand grabs my shoulder and lightly shakes it.
I bolt out of the bed with my eyes wide.
âDonât you dare touch me!â I say angrily.
âWhy and you are now my wife?â
âI donât want to be your wifeâ
âLook, I know you didnât want to get married to me but it has happened. So please letâs make the best out of it.â
I raise my head to look at him straight in the eyes. I could see sincerity in them but again, I have been disappointed by the very people I trusted. I stare at him thinking of a way to get out of this.
âOk, I have a proposition for you.â I smile and say to him.
Part nine
âI am listeningâ
âI will agree to be your wife as long as I get to go back to school. I can attend day school and come back in the evening.â I say and wait for him to reply.
âMhmmm thatâs tricky. Give me time to think about itâ
âFine, in the meantime, stay on your side of the bedâ.
I get on the bed, face the opposite side at the farthest corner, and pull up the covers up to my face and go to sleep.
I am woken up the following morning by a pounding on the bedroom door. I turn to stare at a snoring man beside me who was deep in slumber land. A quick glance at the clock on the wall says its 6.15AM. Who could that be at this time? I groan and get off the bed to open the door.
I am met with an older woman accompanied by a grandmother.
âWe are here for the bedsheetâ
âHuh?â
âThe white bedsheet on your wedding dayâ Ooh that! I had forgotten all about it. I quickly make up an excuse.
âAbdi is still sleeping. Do you want me to wake him?â I hold my breath and hope they say no.
âOh long night eh? Fine we will come back when he is awakeâ
I wait until they are gone before stepping out of the room to look for a bathroom. I quickly find one down the hall and take a shower. I change and head to the kitchen to find something for breakfast. The house is quiet, I guess everyone is still sleeping.
âYou woke up earlyâ I am startled by Abdi.
âYes, I was woken up by your aunties who had come for the bed sheetâ
We take our breakfast silently before he announces he is leaving for work. I will be staying at home helping with the house.
Abdi took a whole week to answer me and I refused to give up the cookie until we had an agreement. That was the only card I had been left to play with. I lived with his mother and sister. I would clean and cook every day then retire to my bedroom at night. It was tedious but I welcomed the distraction with open arms. I would go insane with nothing to do in the house. Lucky for me, no one demanded for the bed sheet anymore.
My relationship with my in laws was not friendly but it was civil enough to have a decent conversation. It is only natural for any human to crave for social interaction and I would find myself watching TV with them and laughing together with time. I was a good cook thanks to my mother, so I reigned the kitchen with my special skills. Furthermore, a way to anyoneâs heart and get what you want is through the stomach, right?
I had a whole new wardrobe and would play dress up alone in my room. I missed my sister, she would be having a field day with all these outfits! Sometimes I would find myself crying alone. I missed my family. I missed home.
Finally, Abdi gave into my demands that I would go back to school as long as I was married to him. It was a win-win situation. Or so I thought.
âYou can look for a good school of your choiceâ
âReally?â I asked excitedly.
âYesâ
I was beyond joy and jumped up and down in excitement.
âThank youâ I hugged him and he hugged me back. I took his hand and led him to our bedroom.
Part Ten
The weeks that followed were blissful. Abdi was very charming and made me smile all the time. I had never seen this side of him before. Yet again, I had never given give my time of the day.
âI have found a schoolâ
âSo soon?â
âYesâ
âI suggest you continue looking. I want my wife to go to the best.â He encouraged.
I continued searching and coming back home with more admission forms. I never gave up. But he refused every school I showed him, telling me to keep searching. Students were soon closing school, I had missed a whole term.
âCome on! I need to choose a school soonâ I insisted when he put aside another form I had brought with me that day.
âBut we havenât found one yetâ Abdi persisted.
âYes we have, itâs just you that keeps rejecting all of them!â
âBut if you go to school during the day, who will stay in the house to assist my mother? Who will tend to my needs if we both come home tired?â
I looked at him astonished.
âWhat do you mean? We had a deal rememberâ
âWhat deal? You havenât even gotten pregnant yet. Are you using family planning?â
âHuh?â
âYou are supposed to be pregnant by now but I see no indication whatsoever. Tell me, are you using family planning?â
âNo am not!â and donât try to change the subject. We had a deal,I would be a good wife in exchange of going back to school.â my eyes began to water as I plead in silence.
âYou canât have your cake and eat it too. Where have you seen a married woman go to school here? Or maybe you have a boyfriend out there? You think I am a fool. Even my mother will not permit this.â
âSo you lied to me to get what you want?â I shouted at him angrily.
âYes. I am your husband and you will do as I say before I decide to punish you!â he raised his voice at me.
Suddenly, we hear a knock at the door. We both look at each other and keep quiet. However, the banging continued.
âAbdi! What is happening in there? We heard you shouting. Open the door.â
It was his mother. We must have been shouting too aloud for her to come, but the walls in the house were too thin. Talk about living with a big family. I rush to open the door.
âWhatâs going on here?â she inquired.
I look at her and see the concern in her voice. She had been good to me for the time I had lived there and an inner voice told me to tell her the truth. That she might be in a position to assist me.
âAbdi and I had a deal that I will go back to day school as long as we are married. But now he is backing out and telling me no.â I explain to her.
She takes a step forward towards her son.
âIs this true?â she asks him.
âYes maâ
âAnd why on earth would you promise search a thing? Are you insane?â
âShe was being difficult and didnât want to sleep with meâ
âOhâ she raised her eyebrows in understanding. She turned to me.
âListen to me dear. Better be a good wife to my son before you are punished for disobedienceâ. With that she left the room.
I looked at Abdi in disgust and said to him âImani ni kutiana na nyege ni kunyegezana. I am not afraid of you.liwalo na liweâ
Part eleven
âArenât you going to wake up today and help me get ready for work?â Abdi asked me the following morning. It was 7AM in the morning and I was still in bed.
âNoâ. I said without hesitation.
I watch him get out of the bed, grab his towel and walk out of the room towards the bathroom. He comes in a few minutes later to get dressed then leaves the room to go to work. Silent treatment it is.
I wake up an hour later after tossing around the bed. It is still early in the morning but I canât stay cooked up in the room forever. I decide to visit my mother. I take a quick shower and dress up to leave.
âAnd where are you going?â my mother in law appears from nowhere scaring me. I could not find her to inform her that I was leaving, but the minute I touch the door handle, she suddenly appears like the genie in Aladdinâs lamp!
âI am going to visit my motherâ.
âAbdi didnât tell me anything about you leaving the house.â of course mamaâs boy has to report everything, I stopped myself from rolling my eyes at her.
âMaybe he forgot. I will be back before sun down. Byeâ. I rush out of the house before she can call him.
My mum was surprised to see me. She was seated with a group of her friends.
âWhat a surprise darling! Did Abdi come with you?â
âNo mother, I came aloneâ
âOh! Hope all is well in paradise?â
âYes mother. I just came to greet youâ I was not about to pour out all my problems to her group of friends. In Swahili land, gossip spread like bush fire.
âThank you dear! I am so proud of you my girl. Marrying off to a suitable family and upholding my name. Thank you for being a responsible girlâ. How was I going to start spilling my problems after this? I said to myself.
I spent the whole day with my family, I needed the distraction and wished the day would not end so quickly. We helped with the cooking and cleaning up the house.
âYou should be going back to your husband before it gets too lateâ finally, the words I dreaded to hear were addressed to me. I could not drag it any longer, I needed to face my sad reality. I said goodbye to my family and headed back to my husbandâs home.
I found Abdi had arrived earlier than usual. His mother must have informed him that I had left.
âWhere have you been all day?â he pounced at me as soon as I closed the door.
âI informed your mum that I will be visiting my motherâ I retorted back.
âSo you decide to go complain there and portray me as a bad husband eh?â
âI did no such thing! Now let me go before I scream!â he suddenly let go of my arm and I fell to the ground.
âI will have to teach you a lesson on how to be an obedient wife! All this time you are just eating and have nothing to show for it. I need a baby as soon as possibleâ he stormed out of the room.
The weeks that followed were spent to myself apart from cooking and cleaning the house. I would go to bed early and pretend to be deep asleep when Abdi came in. Our deal was off and I was not about to give into my end of the bargain.
That Friday, Abdi came home wearing a huge grin on his face.
âI got married to a second wifeâ he announced to me.
âCongratulationsâ I replied to me without blinking an eye lid.
âYou are not jealous?â he sounded surprised and upset. Got you just where I need you!
âNot even one bit. I hope she makes you happyâ I added salt to the wound.
âI am divorcing you! Let us see if you get another husband like me. Pack your bags and leave my house!â
Well, that escalated quickly.
Chapter twelve
My mother in law came and watched as I stuffed my clothes into a suitcase.
âYou should not have provoked him,Choko choko mchokoe pweza binadamu hutamweza. Men are like that and my poor Abdi gets upset very quickly. Give him time to cool off. Besides, you still got two more chances.â
Abdi and I can get back after three months in Eddah. In Islam, Eddah is the period a woman must observe after death of a husband or divorce, during which she may not marry another man. This is to ensure that the father of a baby born after consummation of a marriage is known. However, if Abdi divorces me again for the second and third time, he cannot marry me again. He can only divorce me up to a maximum of three times.
âItâs alright. I will just go to my motherâs placeâ
Even though our marriage was in shambles, I had not thought that things would escalate this fast. He thought I would be upset and beg him to reconsider marrying off another woman, but I had just smirked and congratulated him. However, the minute he announced that he is divorcing me, even if it was verbal, in the eyes of the Islamic law, it was valid and I had to observe the Eddah. I dragged my suitcase out of the house.
I found my mother waiting at the gate. Abdi or his mother just have called her to ensure I do not go another route. She hugged me and helped me with the suitcase. I was in no mood to talk to anyone so I went straight to the bedroom and jumped on the bed.
âRukia, you have to come out and have breakfast. You have not eaten since yesterdayâ I could hear my motherâs nagging voice at the back of my head. I had woken up as early as 6AM, but I had done nothing except stare out the window.
Never in a million years could I have thought I would end up from being the top in class to a divorcee at 16 years of age. Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? What next? I asked myself the questions that had no answer. My sisterâs marriage was blossoming and she was expecting a baby soon.
âRukia! Come on!â my mumâs persistent voice echoed in the room forcing me to drag my feet out of the bed. I sat down and ate in silence while my mum watched my every step.
âSo what happened?â I knew today would not pass without her questioning me. She was afraid of what the society will say.
âI got divorcedâ I say dryly.
âI know you got divorced. But what did you do?â
âWhat makes you think I did anything? Abdi came home and told me he got a second wife. I congratulated him. He divorced me. End of story.â
âHe already got a second wife this soon? Anyway he will come back begging, donât worryâ
My mother was right. Weeks later, Abdi sent his aunt to come and talk to me claiming it was anger and frustration. That he wanted me back.
âForgive him dear and go back to your house. It is his right to marry up to four wives. As long as he is taking good care of you, turn a blind eye to his transgressions and let him beâ. His aunt had insisted.
But that was the problem, he was not treating me right. My life had gone into a sleep mode because I was forced to marry him. At first, he was sympathetic and we agreed on a common ground. But he changed and I was left on the hanging on the rope with nothing to hold onto, once again.
âOk Aunty, I will think about it. I still have a month into my Eddah.â I was not about to spill my life to one more person who did not have my interest at heart.
Part thirteen
I spent the next three months at my motherâs home without leaving even to go to the shop. Whenever I was not helping with house chores, I would borrow some books from my siblings who were still in school and read them. I assisted them with homework sometimes.
I received more and more apologies accompanied by gifts from Abdi. He even promised that we will go back to our initial deal. He would visit my home often that got me wondering what time he spent with the new wife. But once bitten twice shy. I knew it was a bait and I was not about to get trapped in it.
I had secretly started looking for a job, with my little education background, my choices were limited. Going back to school was not an option due to financial constraint. Fimbo ya jirani haiui nyoka, living with Abdi had taught me that much. I needed to work with what I got.
Luck was on my side because immediately I completed my Eddah, I was informed about a job opening at a shop in town that sells lessos. I agreed to go for the interview. It was a family business passed down from generations to generations. They needed a sales person to fill the empty slot left by a previous employee. The salary was not much but given my lack of experience, it was a blessing in disguise, I was not about to let it slip through my fingers. I accepted it.
âWhen are you going back to your husbandâs place?â my uncle asked me.
âI am not going back.â
âWhat do you mean you are never going back? But he said he wants you backâ
âYes but I donât want him backâ
âSo you have decided to give the neighbors something to talk about huh? Marriage is about patience not running away when things gets tough. Look at how long I have been marriedâ.
Yeah right! Twakujua Paka shume hupishi skati.
âI know uncle but I got a job and I want to try it out firstâ.
âOk but donât come back crying afterwards. People are envious of you and would do anything to spoil your marriageâ
There was no point in arguing with him. I did not want to discuss that the new missus had been so insecure that she has been sending me messages. My phone beeped and displayed a message from unknown number. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened it.
Kwangu anakula keki afuate nini kwako halfkeki. Na pia ukitaka njoo tubanane hapa hapa sote wa mume mmoja.
And who may this beautiful message be addressed from? Pretending to be dump always worked for me.
Barafu ya moyo wa Abdi. Huh! So he has decided to go reverse psychology on me.
Kama unaweza mfunge Kamba basi umzuie.
I started working immediately. I would arrive very early in the morning starting the job at eight and ending at five with one hour lunch break all days except Sundays. The place was busier than I thought with new lesso reveal every week. I mastered the job well within a short period of time which earned me approval from top management. I was promoted to cashier within no time.
âSomeone has got an admirerâ one of my colleague whispered in my ears. I had caught one of the owners steal glances at me but I thought I imagined it so I pushed it at the back of my head.
âWho?â I ask.
âYou of course. Please donât tell me you have not noticedâ
âReally? I donât have a clueâ. I decided to play stupid.
âYes! Mzee has his eyes on you for a while now. He even asked us if you were married!â she faked a laugh. Have I been that oblivious that it has reached that far?
âToo bad he is old enough to be my grandfather eh?â I decided to shut it down. Gossip spreads like bush fire and the fact that I was a new girl who climbed up the ladder very fast was prone to attract negative attention.
Part fourteen
âKaribuâ I said to the customer who walked into the shop.
âLeso mpya zimetoka wiki hii?â she quickly inquired.
âYes, ngoja nikuonyesheâ
I was bored alone at the cashierâs office so I came to the front office where the action was. At least I kept my mind preoccupied from thinking of the argument I had with my mother earlier.
She had found me getting ready for work early in the morning. She sat on the bed staring at me. I ignored her and continued with the task at hand.
âWhat have you decided about going back to your husbandâs home? He has been asking and begging countless times, he even asked me to speak to you on his behalfâ she asked dryly.
âI am not going back to himâ I replied casually.
âWhy? Is it because of the co-wife? I hear you are even more beautiful than her!â
âNo mother, hivo ni vishindo vya mashuzi havipasui chupi. I am just not interestedâ
âDo you have someone else in mind? You are still youngâ
âNo motherâ
âIn that case, I have two suitors who are interested and would like to meet youâ
âIt is still too soon, I canât jump from one man to another.â
âBut you wonât be young forever my dear, this is your chance!â
I glanced at the clock on the wall which read half past seven. Shit! I will be late for work if I continued with this conversation.
âI need to go to work or else I will be lateâ I kissed her goodbye and left.
I arrived just in time.
I was distracted the whole day because I knew my mother would not let it go. She would ensure suitors were lining up at my doorstep so as to get rid of the village gossip that my marriage did not last. I missed my friends Yusra and Najma but I knew they were busy with school. Unlike them, I had to grow up pretty quickly.
I was right about my mother. That week alone, I received three marriage proposals from different suitors. One had just arrived from Qatar and was looking for a wife. He was a bachelor in his early twenties and did not have a list of demands on the wife to be since he was on short notice of three months before he traveled back. He just wanted a wedding, wife and hopefully a baby bump by the time the honeymoon is over. I just had to say yes and voilaâ! I would turn into Cinderella. Hmm he wants a perfect family out of the blue. Did I not just get divorced for not getting pregnant soon enough?
The second one was a divorcee just like me. However, he did not reside in Kenya but he saw a photo of me through a family member and fell helplessly in love. TouchĂŠ. I was to join him in Canada as soon as we got married through his brother. That meant the brother in law would marry me on his behalf and only sign the marriage certificate for him. Wife inheritance and cleansing not applicable. Was this another prison cell far away from home? Fear of the unknown was stronger than the Indian Ocean waves at pirateâs beach.
The third one was a relativeâs son who was always in trouble. The family thought that getting him a wife would make him more responsible and abandon his evil ways of miraa abuse and the likes. He spent most of his day with his friends either getting high or locked up in police cell for possession. This one was just a lost cause.
âMzee wants to see youâ I was brought back to reality. I walked into his office wondering what I had done wrong. I found him seated on his desk. He got up and ironed out his shirt with the palm of his hands. I did not miss the visible wrinkles on them. How old is this guy?
âI wish to apologize in advance as this is not work related. I have observed you for the time you have been here and I must stay I really like you. You are hardworking and humble. I would like to know you more on a personal level.â The seriousness in his tone alerted me that he was not pulling a prank.
âBut I am old enough to be your granddaughter.â It was a family business so everyone was hands on. I had seen the grandchildren. Some were even older than me.
âPaka mzee pia hunywa maziwaâ
Part fifteen
âSo what did the boss want?”
Curious gossipers at the office were already swarming towards me. They had seen me walk into his office earlier.
“Itâs none of your business” I barked at them to leave me alone. I was not about to add more fire by telling them what had transpired between me and mzee.
âDonât make a rushed decision, I suggest you take time to think about. I can take you places and buy you things you never imagined. My wife is too old to travel with me and take care of meâ. He had tried to convince me.
However, my answer had been a firm no. Accepting his proposal was diving right from the frying pan into the fire. I was not ready to wear the crown of a gold-digger. Besides, my job was the only good thing going in my life.
âI will still be here waiting in case you change your mindâ he had insisted.
I had then called my sister and asked if I could stay with her for a while. I needed time to sort my mess without my mother being constantly on my back. She would let me know as soon as she spoke with her husband. Now all I had left to do is stay out of everyone’s radar.
Luck was finally on my side when my sister called me back with some good news.
“Mom, I will be staying with Sabri for a while. Commuting to and from here has become hectic. Her place is closer to work”
“I donât know why you insist on working. You place is at home being a lovely wife and mother. Anyway, donât come back crying to me”.
“Yes mother” arguing with her would see me lose the battle. I packed my suitcase and left for my sister’s place.
My stay with my sister was pleasant. I made myself relevant by assisting her with the kids whenever I was not working. She had three cute boys who were one year apart, she needed all the help she could get. The children loved me back hence months had easily turned into years.
I found myself absentmindedly touching my tummy. I had been accused of purposely not getting pregnant which was not the case. Abdi had given into the pressure of society expecting me to get pregnant immediately and acting like it was my fault. Itâs not like blank bullets can kill too. I wondered what kind of a mother I would be if I Abdi had impregnated me. Would that have changed the outcome of my marriage? I have always loved kids and wished one day I would have my own. God had other plans I guess.
“Rukia, you have a visitor!” I hear a yell coming from the sitting room.
Who could that be? I hardly have any visitors and my friends Yusra and Najma were here yesterday. I was not expecting anyone today.
“Rukia!”
“I am coming!”
I head to the sitting room to see what the commotion was all about. As I get nearer, I hear people talking and laughing loudly. I listen keenly to the voice which sounds so familiar yet my mind cannot not put a finger on the owner. I step in to see who the visitor was.
“Hi Ruks”
âMoha!”
Part sixteen
Without realizing what I was doing, I stepped forward and hugged him!
âI canât believe you are hereâ I said to him.
âIn flesh and I see you have turned into a beautiful woman!â he joked making us all laugh.
Moha and his family were close family friends. Our houses faced each other. We grew up together and people actually thought we would end up getting married. We were inseparable. But his family had moved away and I heard he went to university outside the country.
He was the last person I expected to see today. I look at him and see a handsome young man. He was dressed in a t-shirt and blue jeans, his hair and beard neatly shaved. He was any girlâs dream. I take a seat beside him.
âAre you back from university?”
“Yes dear, I came a month agoâ
âWow! How was it? Are you a doctor now?â
âIt was great, although I was homesick the first two months. Yes, I am now a practicing doctor. Are you sick?â feigning seriousness. I was about to reply when I caught him trying not to smile.
âAh! Still full of jokes I seeâ I slapped his arm.
âI am glad to see youâ
âMe too. You were the last person I expected to see todayâ. I confessed.
âI hope it was a happy surpriseâ
âOf course silly!â
We spent the afternoon catching up. He told me he has been assigned at Aga khan hospital but is planning on opening his own clinic as soon as he has acquired enough credits. He was still living in his familyâs home. Not yet married but yet medical school was too hectic for a relationship.
It was my turn, I did not know where to begin. His life was so perfect while mine a complete mess.
âJust start from the beginning.â He had encouraged.
I narrated to him how I forced out of school to get married, my marriage experience and the divorce afterwards, the endless marriage proposals and how I ended up working at a shop while living with my younger sister.
By the time I ended the story, I was in tears. I had bottled everything inside without realizing that it was eating me alive and talking it out was actually going to help.
âI am so sorry that I was not here to help. You went through a lotâ
âIt is in the past and I have learnt to move onâ
âI think you should try and finish your high schoolâ
âBut I am too old for that now. My peers are even in college now. Besides, I donât have money to pay for school feesâ
âNever say you are too old to do something, age is always nothing but a number. About school fees, donât worry I will payâ
âI have learnt not to accept favors from men. What do you want in return?â
âI am not just anyone, am family. And I want to help you get back on your feet and the best way is to empower you with knowledgeâ
âSeriously?â
âYes, seriouslyâ
âThank you so much! You have no idea what this means to meâ
âYou are welcome. But please do not tell anyone that I am sponsoring you. Village gossipâ he clarified when I raised my eye brows at him.
âI understandâ
âGood. Now look for a school and send me a detailed budget. A boarding school would be a good change of environmentâ
At last, I had a sense of purpose in life.
Part seventeen
I check myself in the mirror one more time. From the reflection inside, I was a nervous wreck. I glanced at the door with second thoughts. The image of my younger happier life appeared before my eyes, the short-lived high school life which was shattered by forced marriage to Abdi, the nasty divorce and how I ended up living my sister while working at the lesso shop. Deep down my soul, I knew this was the best decision in my whole life. I inhale deeply and adjust my skirt one more time. Looking back at my life, I could not fail to thank the God Almighty.
âDonât worry, you will be fine and I am so proud of you! Moha is really a good manâ Sabri hugged me trying to calm my nerves. She has been my rock all through my trying times especially when I lived with her for years. She did not understand me at first because her marriage had blossomed into a beautiful home with a loving husband and kids, while mine had crumbled and crashed. However, with time, she became my best friend.
Flashback
My mind flashed back to our first fight at her house. I had been sitting on the couch watching my favorite soap opera on television, when her husband came home from work. I greeted him and proceeded to assist him with the bags in his hand, when the bags were snatched away from my arms by the fuming Sabri.
âWhat the hell are you doing? Naona wataka kuniibia mume na wako amekushinda. Kibuzi mwarika mtizame anavyojitingisha vile.
âAiiii jameni! I was just trying to help him na mzigo. What is so bad about that?â
âmshew! Haba na haba huleta mahaba! Nikuone tena ukirudia , ndio utajua nini kilichomtoa kanga manyoya.â
I turned around and left for the bed room, blaming the pregnancy hormones. She was nine months pregnant and was due anytime. You canât blame a pregnant woman with all the weird cravings like mkojo wa panya, right? I ate in the room that night avoiding further confrontations.
âAaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa!â I was woken up by the loud noises coming from my sisterâs bedroom. I check the clock at the wall which reads 3.30Am.
âAaaaaaa!â another scream echoed in the house. I rushed out of the room and knock on the bedroom.
âsabri?â I called out.
âThe baby is coming! Get my hospital bag Rukia!â she screamed my name through the door. They meet me at the corridor âletâs goâ. I call my mother on the way to the hospital.
I watch Sabriâs husband, Musa, pace the floor for hundredth time since we arrived five hours ago. He was wearing his kikoi with a t-shirt, swahili sandals on his feet. My eyes wandered to check my own dressing. The transparent night dress was carefully hidden from prying eyes. Pwecks! I had managed to grab a buibui on my way out.
Sabri had been ushered directly into the labor room while we were asked to wait in the waiting area. It has been an agonizing wait and the doctors have not told us anything.
Musa comes to sit next to me on the bench and takes my hands in his. He captures my eyes with his brown eyes and I swear I could see deep down his soul. He opens his mouth to say something.
âRukia, I want to âŚ..â
âItâs a boy!â a nurse comes out of the delivery room shouting before he could finish the sentence.
Part eighteen
âWow! He is so cute!â everyone exclaimed at the new baby who was lying in his crib. Sabri and the baby had come back home after being discharged from the hospital.
Newborns and their mothers observe forty days period after birth from which she is assisted with the baby for her to gain her strength. Most first time mothers stay at their parentâs home for the period, to learn on how to take care of the baby. Sabri was staying with my mother and I followed her there. I was not staying at her house with her husband alone, not after the hospital incidence. Unfortunately, forty days was not that long.
âRukia, I need to come live with us. I canât do this on my ownâ Sabri had told one day.
âSure but you have to look for house manager during the day because I will be workingâ
âSawaâ she agreed.
We left after celebrating by slaughtering two goats to mark the end of the forty days period.
Balancing in between work and relieving Sabri of baby duties, days had turned into weeks then months. I never saw much of Musa except greetings and eating together Kwa mkeka. It is Swahili tradition to sit on the mat and eat together from the same sinia, this is very big plate. Utamu wa biriani ni kula kwa mkono. Halloooo!
My phone beeped signaling a new message has been received. I stretch my arm and remove it from the charging cable.
Hi beautiful, it was lovely meeting you today.
It was from a customer I had met earlier that day at the shop and had charmed his way into getting my number. I replied quickly.
Same here
Immediately, a new message comes in.
I would love to take you for dinner, if you donât mind.
I quickly type NO before I change my mind and delete it. I did not have anything better to do and Sabri was being mean again. Judging from previous experience and her sudden liking to raw mangoes, I suspected she was pregnant again.
Sure, I would love to
I quickly hit send before I change my mind.
Is 8 ok with you?
Yes, I will meet you at Tarbush.
I head into the bathroom for a quick shower. As I scrub away, goosebumps form in my body, I have never been on a date before! Is it as good as what I see on TV? I imagined how today will turn out to be. I found myself humming to the tunes of A little fun never hurt somebodyâŚâŚ
I dressed into a yellow dress to signify my happy mood. Touched with a little make up and some heels, I was set to go for my dinner.
âAnd where do you think you are going young lady?â Mean Sabri again!
I caught Musa, her husband, staring at me with the corner of my eyes. He has never attempted to speak to me alone after the hospital incident. As much as I wanted to know what he wanted to say that day, I was afraid of what it would do to my sister.
âAt Tarbush for dinnerâ
âAlone dressed like that?â
âNo, I have a dateâ
âHaya Ukipenda chips usiogope mimba!â
Part nineteen
âApi badei tuyuuuu abi bade tuyuuuuu!â
âBlow the candles dear!â I shouted to the birthday boy.
Puhhhhh! We laughed as he struggled to put the candles off. I leaned in and helped him then removed then removed the candle that read 5. I could not believe how time flew so fast! I mean it was just another day that I held his tiny body in my arms, careful not to break him.
I scanned the room, half the people were my family members. My eyes found my mother, seated at the farthest corner holding a baby. Sabri was lost somewhere in the crowd, the little kids eying the cake hungrily.
âKata kekiii tuleeeeeâ
I went to help with the cake cutting. It was Aliâs birthday, Sabriâs first born son. The birthday party ended with the kids battling to finish the cake.
âAunty Ruky, can you help me with my homework?â Ali, Sabriâs son, came into the room.
âSure dear, letâs seeâ I took the book and read the instructions. The lesson was on mathematic subtraction. âThis is super easyâ I say to him.
âyey!â he clapped his little hands smiling at me with his missing teeth.
âSo imagine all of us living together, your mumy, daddy, nana, you and me. How many are we?â
âOne, two, three, four, five!â he counted his fingers.
âAnd if I were to leave and go somewhere else, how many will remain?â
âOne, two, thee, four!â
âGood boy! Now write four thereâ
âAunt Rukyâ
âMhmâ
âPlease donât leave us. I love you very much!â
His words just broke my heart.
âI am not going anywhere buddyâ
I was unable to full fill my promise when I met Moha the following day. The little boy had come crying in my room when he learnt that I was leaving. He even pleaded that I take him with me. I had to spend the whole night explaining to him why it was not possible. Talk about digital babies.
End of flash back
âWe are all going to miss you especially Aliâ Sabri brought me back to reality.
âI will miss you guys even moreâ
There was a light knock at the door before the door opened revealing the ever dashing Moha.
âItâs timeâ
âI am ready!â I shout loudly.
Part Twenty
I was wearing a maroon pleated skirt that covered my ankles with a white blouse. The white socks inside the rhino black shoes shone with brightness obeying the new owner. A white hijab lay securely on my head hiding away my silky long hair. I dragged my mabati blue box out of the room.
Despite being older than the rest of the students, the years have been kind to me as I rocked the school uniform. I was accompanied by Moha.
We headed to the headmistressâs office. We found a plump lady seated behind the desk. We knocked on the door and she ushered us in.
âReporting today?â
âYes maâamâ
âWhatâs your name?â
âRukiaâ
âOoh yes Rukia, I remember. Welcome to Bahari girls high school. Is this your brother?â
âNo, I am her sponsor. I will be paying for the school feesâ
âThatâs very noble of youâ
âThank youâ
âLet me introduce you to the teachers and the matron. The others are a month ahead, so you have a lot of catching up to do.â
An assembly of students and teachers gathered towards the headmistress.
âEveryone, this is Rukia, our new student who will be joining form two blue. Please make her feel comfortable.â I was shown my dormitory and my class.
I did not need an alarm to wake up at 4AM in the morning. I did not sleep a wink last night in my bed at the dorm! New environment always does that to me. I dragged my brand new basin under the bed, took out my soap and toothbrush and a towel, then headed to the bathroom before the stampede and rush started.
âWhat no curtains?â
âYou will get used to it soon hahahah!â
I must have said it out aloud. The girl who responded dropped her towel and went ahead to shower right in front of me! I just stood there bewildered clutching my lesso tightly around me.
âYou must be the new girl. My name is Mercy.â She continued the chitchat as if this was all normal.
âI am Rukia. Pleasure to me youâ I moved to the farthest bathroom and hanged my lesso as a curtain while I bathed. I could hear other pupils asking âwho is this that put up a curtain?â âThe new girl! She will get used to it soonâ Mercy answered them laughingly. I made a mental note to be waking up at least half an hour earlier the following day.
Mercy became my best friend after that. We were in the same class and sat next to each other. I was a pro in books while she excelled in sports.
âCome on Rukia, stop dragging behind like a grandmother!â she would always shout at me. If you knew how older I was! I laughed to myself.
âYou are always very serious. No fun at all!â
âI came here to learn, not have fun my dearâ
âCome on, let us go for sports day. There are some boys in the neighboring school. Maybe someone will interest you?â
âNo thank youâ
âWhat? Are you lesbian or something? Hot the hots for me I see!â she teased.
âhahahah! No I am not a lesbian. I have had my fair share of men in my lifeâ
âGrandmother talk again!â
âYep! Am much older than you guys.â
âNo way!â
âYes way! Now letâs go for prep before Mrs Mwachondo finds usâ
Part Twenty one
âAnd the title for the best performing student in class in form three once again goes to Rukia Abdul!â
I had managed to keep the title ever since I arrived at Bahari girls. I did not want to disappoint Moha for not passing my exams. He was pleased with me and had kept his word, I intended to stay that way. I stepped forward and received my trophy with many congratulations following after.
The school had a mixture of all girls especially from Pwani region. The Mijikenda dominated the area and would form groups based of tribe and where someone came from. I had made enough of my own friends to help me get through my time there. Vernacular and Kiswahili speaking was not allowed in the school. As much as the students tried to speak English, the accent and some memes that could not be described as vernacular speaking.
âWhat will we be doing for Ramadhan this month?â I asked Mwanahalima, one of the Muslims officials.
âNothing much. We just pick our food from the dining hall at the usual time, keep it until it is time for breaking the fast.â
âBut we canât eat cold food after a long day of fasting. It is not healthy.â
âThat is how it has been for the longest time here. Maybe you speak to Mr. Noor, he may have a solutionâ
I was not determined to let it go. I headed to see Mr. Noor, our representative.
âGood morning sirâ
âGood morning. What can I do for you today?â
âI wanted to discuss about Ramadhan. I have an ideaâ
âI am listeningâ
âSince eating cold food after a whole day of fasting is not healthy, I was of the opinion that we contribute some money towards buying our food and we can cook iftar after classes between 4-6PM. We break the fast when the food is still and can still catch up on evening preps at 7PM.â
âActually, that is not a bad idea. You girls can form groups and take turns in cooking. Let me liaise with the headmistress firstâ.
I was happy with that he accepted my proposal. Now we just have to wait and see what the headmistress will say. I thanked him and left to go back to my class.
I found my desk mates already seated waiting for Mr. Swaleh to start the math class.
âWhatâs up guys?â
âWe are bettingâ Mwana-halima informed me.
âOn what?â
âOn anyone who can prank Mr Swalehâ
âHow much are you betting on?â
â500bob. But we all know you canât do it grandmother!â
They all laughed at me and I decided right there and then, to prove them all wrong.
The teacher came in and started teaching right away.
Few minutes to the end of the class, I excused myself to visit the washroom. I entered and locked the door on the only available washroom.
âIs there anyone in the washroom?â I could hear someone shouting outside the door.
âYes!â I replied quickly.
âAre you fisingii or yuringiiii???â
âWhat?â
âWataka nishikwe nikiongea Kiswahili? Unapupu au unasunu?â
Wow! She did a direct translation right there! Kweli kizungu ilikuja na meli. I could not control myself from cracking up. My ribs were hurting so badly while I was heading back to finish the class and the bet.
I took the steps towards my desk. One, two, threeâŚ.I fainted and hit the floor.
Part Twenty Two
âWhat happened?â
âShe fainted!â
âCarry her outside. She needs fresh air!â
I could hear the teacher and the students talking but I remained still with my eyes shut tightly. I was carried outside into the shed and laid down.
âRemove her shoesâ the teacher commanded. My shoes and socks were removed.
âmpepeeani! Someone get a book or something!â
I could hear whispers and someone crying at the back ground. Someone came out with a book and started fanning me.
âleta hapa I will do it! na tokeni hapa mnanuka uvundo hamjaoga wiki mzima!â the teacher snapped and started fanning me himself like he was lighting a makaa jiko. Dear God please give me the strength, I prayed within myself.
All this time I bit my lips so hard to prevent myself from laughing. There was no way I was getting caught! I bit harder and tasted some blood on my lips. Getting caught would have been worse.
I woke up minutes later feigning a fake headache and dizziness.
âAre you alright? How are you feeling?â the headmistress had now been called.
âJust some headache and dizzinessâ
âHelp her to the dorm so she can rest. If it gets worse, let me know so we can take you to the hospitalâ
I was helped into my bedroom in dorm three. I laid on the bed while my friends and concerned students and teachers came to check on me. A packet of milk was bought for me to drink and gain my energy. I was the talk of the school that day. Some claimed I was possessed by the evil spirits and had an attack as this devil attacks were common in the school. (Those who went to school in coast know this).
Soon, everyone was gone and I was left with Mwanahalima and my other betting friends.
âWhere is my 500bob?â I sat down on the bed and asked them.
âWhat? You mean all that drama was for the bet?â They were all surprised that I actually had the guts to pull it off. It surprised me as well.
âYes! Now it is time for pay up guys.â I stretched out my hand. âAlthough I was trying so hard not to laugh. I almost blew my cover!â I giggled.
âOMG! You are crazy! Totally nuts!â they exclaimed when they realized I was not lying.
I stayed in the dorm room the whole day but I promised myself that I was not missing any more classes. I had to chase them at night so I could get some sleep.
At around midnight, I was awoken up my commotion in the dorm. I opened my eyes to find the headmistress standing on my bed with the dorm mother beside her.
âIs this your daughter and is she assigned to this bed?â the headmistress asked.
âYesâ
âAnd this one?â They moved on the next bed.
They went from one bed to another checking and inspecting that everyone was present and slept in their assigned bed and no one was sharing a bed. Lesbianism had been rumored around the school but no one had been caught.
By the end of the exercise, a group of fifty students were being sent home for not sleeping in their assigned beds or sharing a bed with a fellow student. Alhamdulillah! I had chased away the girls and slept alone in my bed.
Part Twenty Three
Classes resumed as normal. The students that were sent home were asked to bring their parents as it was a disciplinary case. I walked in the class but a class mate called in my attention and informed me that Mr. Noor asked to see me in the staffroom.
âYes Rukia, I heard what happens. I hope you are feeling better now?â
âYes sirâ
âWell, I have some good newsâ
âI could do with good news!â
âYour proposal has been accepted by the headmistress as long as it does not interfere with normal running of the school operationsâ
âThank you, I promise it wonât! It feels good to make a positive changeâ
We agreed that each Muslim student will contribute 1000bob towards buying the food stuff. We drafted a memo and pinned it on the notice board.
âNiache! Niache!â
The scream came from the back of the class. We all looked behind to see Mishi, the school captain shaking her head uncontrollably.
âNiache! Another loud scream echoed leaving us all scrambling towards the exit door.
âAna nini?â we all asked ourselves.
âAmepandisha maruhani. I think she is possessed!â someone from the crowd clarified.
Mishi was now standing and chanting in foreign language that I did not understand. Some students had ran as far as the dorm rooms. I stood close by and watched from a safe distance in case the spirit decided to jump into a new host.
âShe is not chanting in Arabic or English. Does someone understand the language?â Mr Noor asked but no one replied. âSomeone needs to speak to her so we can know what she wants. Any volunteers?â
We all back away.
âOk I will do itâ He proceeded to go into the classroom and faced Mishi who had now calmed down and was sitting on her legs as if she was praying. We were watching from the windows.
âAssalam Aleykum Warahma Tuwahi Wabaraktuâ Mishi spoke without looking at Mr Noor.
âWaaleykum Salaam. Mimi ni Noor, naomba kujua naongea na nani?â he sat down and faced her showing no fear on his face.
âMimi ni Malkiaâ
âSawa Malkia. Tatizo liko wapi? Mbona umemshika Mishi?â he enquired.
âHafuati maagizo tuliyompaâ she shook her head in sadness.
âMaagizo gani tafadhali?
âPete yangu havai kila siku kama ninavyotaka na kuomba mungu pia hataki. Haswali kabisa huyu!â she retorted.
âSawa Malkia, ntamwambia afanye ivo vote. Kwa sasa naona umuachilie Mishi tafadhaliâ
âsimuachilii kabisa! Leo atajua mm ni nani!â she then stood up laughing out loudly.
âTafadhali. Nitahakikisha anafata maagizo yoteâMr Noor pleaded.
âHapana!â Malkia screamed and started attacking Mr Noor.
We all screamed in horror.
The askaris and other teachers matched it and tried to restrain her but she was too strong for all of them.
âNiacheni!â Malkia/Mishi screamed.
âWe need more help! She is very strong!â
It took ten men to finally subdue and tie up Malkia/Mishi. Her parents were called in and they took her, claiming it was a cultural issue that needed to be sorted at home.
I had always heard of people being possessed with evil spirit but this was the first time I witnessed it. It was a nerve wrecking and scary experience. That night, I slept with my Quran clutched closely in my hands.
Part Twenty Four
âI hope that you have studied hard, this is your chance to shineâ
Moha said to me during the last visiting day before the KCSE exams.
âYes, I am set for it.â I replied nervously.
âI wish you all the best and may you pass with flying colors!â
âThank you dearâ
I had studied and revised until my mind was just full. I was at the edge of becoming mad. I prayed for the exams to come sooner. We went for Friday prayers outside the school on the last Friday before the exams. It was the neighboring boysâ school that we frequently engaged.
âRukia!â Someone shouted my name. I knew who it was before I even turned behind. Faheem, the boy that had taken a liking to me ever since we met. Unfortunately, I was too old for him but had told him we could date after we finish school.
âHi! Whatâs up?â
âI want to talk to you about the exams.â
âYou are not prepared?â
âNo, I mean yes I am prepared. But you never know how the exam questions will come. I have some friends who can get the papers beforehand.â
âYou mean cheatâ
âNo, I mean getting an upper hand. You can even sell it to your friends and come out with some pocket money.â
âYou are crazyâ
âI am smart and so should you. I will be waiting for you at the back gate of your school at 10PM when everyone has gone to sleep. If you are not there by 10.30, then I will leaveâ
I was in deep thoughts during the trip back to school. I did not tell anyone about Faheemâs proposal. How was I going to leave the school compound without getting caught anyway? I knew of some students that had opened a fence and would sneak outside during weekend nights. How was I even going to start?
Kila mbuyu na shetani wake (Everyone has a devil in them, it only takes the right person/ situation to bring the devil out.) The adventurous and crazy part in me worn and I found myself sneaking out of my bed and heading towards the fence. As the Adrenalin kicked in, I ran faster and faster until I reached the gate.
I had a small touch which I used to look for opening on the face. My hands were shaking and I looked found myself looking behind me after every two seconds for the school watchmen. Just when I was about to give up and return to the dorm, I found it!
I knelt down and expertly squeezed myself out. It was so dark outside. The only sound were dogs barking from a distance, an owl screeching while the frogs croaked from a nearby swamped. I ran for my dear life towards the meeting point.
Part Twenty Five
My legs felt heavy as I took one step after another, the grass brushing roughly on my legs. The gate seemed so far yet it was so near. I clutched my touch tightly directing it to my destination.
âWho is there?â
Shit! The watchman must have seen the light from my touch. I ducked and hid in the nearby bush praying I donât get bitten by a snake.
âNimeona mwangaza apaâ the watchman was talking to his fellow colleague.
âAre you sure it is not one of your prank?â
âYes, I swear!â
âOk letâs go check.â
I could hear them coming closer and closer towards the fence, lighting with their touches.
I coiled myself into the fetus position and hid further into the bush. Dear God, please donât let me be caught, I will never do this again I promise! I prayed silently as the watchmenâs steps got closer and closer.
âMimi naskia tu chura na mbwa koko zikilia. Mbona sisikii mtu akitembea?â
âMimi niliona mwangaza. Tuangalie pale mbeleâ
They moved further ahead and continued searching. I sat silently and waited. I could see them pointing their touches around the fence. After what seemed like eternity, they gave up.
âHakuna kitu hapa, twende ndani kabla madam akasirikeâ.
Once I was sure they have they were gone, I bolted and ran as fast as my feeble legs could carry my weight. Unfortunately, I did not find Faheem at our meeting place.
What mess have I gotten myself into? I sighed as I sat down on the dirty floor. What am I going to do now? What if something happens to me? I had no phone or ID with me, just a couple of hundreds I had stuffed in my pocket.
There was no way I was going back through the route I came in, I would rather get caught. I could bribe the watchmen to sneak me back inside. They were poorly paid and quick cash always saves the day. Armed with my final decision, I stood up to head back to the main gate.
I cleared the dirt on the skirt and nervously straightened it with the palm of my hands. I took three deep breaths and exhaled. Once I had calmed my nerves, I headed towards the schoolâs main gate.
âRukia! Wait!â
I looked behind to see Faheem running towards me. Stopping in my tracks, I was so relieved to see him.
âRukia! I am so sorry I am late. I did not think you would show upâ
âWell, it seems like I finally grew a pair. I thought you had left without me!â I punched him on his shoulder.
âI am sorry, but my escape route was not clear. I am here now, so letâs goâ
He pulled my hand and led me towards the main road to board a matatu.
âAre we going very far?â
âYes, we are going to Ganjoni. But donât worry, we will be back before day lightâ.
We boarded the next matatu that stopped and headed into town.
Part Twenty Six
We arrived in town and took a tuktuk to Ganjoni. We arrived at a house and Faheem called someone to come and open the door for us. I followed blindly like a lost puppy. We were led into a room full of people. Scanning the room quickly, I counted ten people including girls aged the same as Faheem, I concluded they were here for the same reason as us.
âThis is Rukia, my friend.â I was introduced to the rest of the crew. I lost their names in the middle of all the introductions.
âSo what now?â I asked Faheem.
âThe Gomba (leak) has not been received, so we wait like everyone else.â
âUntil when?â
âWe have promising leads. We will get it soon. In the meantime, I suggest you get some sleep over that mattress thereâ.
He pointed to a mattress on the floor. I went and sat down. Everyone else was busy either reading or whispering to their friends. No one looked familiar to me. I checked the time which read 12AM. The paper we were all waiting for was biology which was being examined the following morning. I was not doing the biology paper, I had chosen physics. So I had enough time to sleep and recover from the nightâs events. Just one hour, I just need one hour. I said to myself as fatigue finally won the battle and my eyes closed.
âGet up! Hey we have to go!â
Someone was shaking me vigorously waking me up from my beautiful dream. I rubbed my eyes and came face to face with Faheem. Previous nightâs events came flooding back to my mind.
âWhat happened?â
âWe got it! Now letâs go back to school!â he said excitedly. The clock at the wall read 3AM.
âOk let me wash my faceâ
I quickly washed my face, thanked our host for having me and joked about not being raped. We were soon on our way back to school. The route back seemed faster, we were back in less than an hour.
âSo how do you suggest I get back into the school compound?â
âGive the watchmen two hundred shillings, they wonât refuseâ.
âWhat if they do?â
âI will be here watching until you get insideâ
I headed towards the gate, it was not 4AM. I found only one watchman inside the hut.
âUncle Jay vipi?â I greeted him.
âWatoka wapi saa hiiâ
âNatoka library na naomba kuingia. Please usimwambie mtuâ I stretched my hand showing him the two hundred shillings.
âMadam utaleta shida wewe.â
âPlease, si unaelewa hii maneno.â
He got up, looked right and left for anyone who was seeing us. When he was satisfied that we did not have an audience, he grabbed the money from my hands.
âIngia uende mbio kabla upatikane.â
I ran inside quickly. The students were already up and about. I went straight to my dorm, took my basin and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. Once I was fully dressed, I headed to the class to look for the biology students. I called all of them for a meeting.
âI have some good news and bad news. Which one do you guys want first?â
âUmm the good newsâ
âI have a leak on todayâs biology paperâ
âAnd the bad news?â
âThe bad news is that it is not for freeâ
After the chilling experience I just experienced last night, there was no way I was giving it out for free.
âAre you sure it is the one?â
âYes. Tell you what? Give the money to someone who will keep it until the paper is over. Once you have confirmed that it is the actual paper, I get the money from her.â
âItâs a deal
Part Twenty Seven
After my meeting with the biology students, I went to the dining hall for my tea. My head was pounding with a massive headache. Being an exam week, it was not a must to follow the school program. I left to go back to my bed and get some sleep. I slept flat on my stomach until lunch time.
I took my plate and headed to kitchen to be served since the dining hall was being used for exams.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We heard the bells signaling the end of the biology exams. Dear God, please let it be the one!
One by one, they left the dining hall and headed out.
âRukia! Come!â Fatma, the class rep motioned to me. The moment of truth has finally arrived.
We went back to the class that we held out meeting in earlier in the morning and waited for the rest to arrive. It was far so everyone hated it.
âWell?â I inquired when the last student stepped in.
âIt was exactly the same! Question after question! All the questions came!â Fatma announced.
âYes! Thank youâ They all jumped and hugged me.
âReally?â honestly, I was not sure but there was no way I was telling them that.
âYes! It was just like we revised in the morningâ
âI am glad to hearâ.
âI will tell the treasurer to give you the money. So what about the next paper?â
âLet me see what I can do. Now letâs go before someoneâŚâŚ.the headmistress walked in just before I could finish the sentence.
âHi Girls! So how was the paper?â she inquired.
âIt was easy, I think we will passâ Fatma replied.
âOh really? I see you guys were very prepared then?â She was now looking at everyone and her eyes spotted me. âRukia, I did not know you were taking biologyâ she spoke to me.
âNo Maâam, I was just helping them studyâ
âThatâs very nice of youâ
âActually, she gave us a leak on the exam!â some loud mouthed student shouted from behind. We all watched the headmistress reaction.
âIs this true?â she inquired after a whole minute of processing it.
âYes madam, she did but the questions were exactly the same as in the exam!â Fatma defended me.
âAll the questions?â
âYes all the questionsâ
âDo not tell anyone this, you will be disqualified and the school might even be blacklisted. Rukia, I am not going to ask for details, but it is good that you helped them. Now all of you go for lunchâ.
âMadam?â I approached her.
âYes Rukiaâ
âI may need to leave the school compound once in a while to get more papers.â
âI will tell the watchmen to allow you. Please make sure you donât get caught in trouble.â
I was in business.
True to her words, the watchmen let me leave and come back in the morning before everyone was awake. But I only left on the nights before exams. I would accompany Faheem to Ganjoni. The leak was a fifty-fifty chance but we managed to get only half the papers. The last paper was commerce which we managed to obtain and complete the mission without getting caught. We were leaving the school immediately after the last paper.
Ding! Ding! Ding! The bell to the last exam rang. We were now ready for the world. The headmistress called us and thanked us for being good and obedient students.
âI will miss all of you dearlyâ she hugged all of us goodbye.
We had packed out stuff the previous night in our blue mabati box. I had packed all the success cards I received. They were mostly from friends and family who had taken their time to wish me good luck in my final exams. We gave away the rest of the stuff that we were not carrying to the other continuing students. It was an emotional goodbye. The school had become a part of my life and enabled me to forget my previous trauma. For once, I was myself.
I said my final goodbye to my friends and headed towards the gate. All the form four leavers were heading towards the matatu stage to go back to their respective homes. I caught mine and headed back home.
âWelcome home candidate of the year!â my mother was always the first to welcome me home.
âThanks Ma!â I hugged her back.
âHow was the exam?â
âIt was fair. I am hoping to pass InshaAllahâ
âI am sure you will dear! I am so grateful to Moha for taking you back to school.â
âMe too Ma.â
I went to my room to put away my luggage and rest.
Moha came to visit me the following week. He had been busy lately but I had called him immediately I landed at home to inform him I had finished my final exams.
âI am sure you will aced the exams!â he said.
âInshallah! You know these things are unpredictable.â
âBut you are very bright. I am happy that you managed to clear high school.â
âMe tooâ
âSo what now?â
âHonestly, I have not thought that far ahead. I am taking one day at a time.â
6 months later
I look at the person sleeping soundly beside me on the bed, his arm draped across mine in a lovers hug. I check his breathing, it seems normal. I carefully remove his arm from me and grab my leso on the bed stand. I wrap it securely around me before tiptoeing out of the room.
I head to the kitchen which is bigger than my any room I have ever owned. I open one of the cupboard that has a gold plated handle to get a glass of water. I fill my glass at the water dispenser standing at the corner and quench my thirst.
It was not thirst that had woken me up. I have had insomnia ever since I arrived in the house. Even the comfort of Dr Mattress was not consolation either. As soon as my husband and I had kissed each other goodnight, he had fallen right into a deep slumber. I was just never used to the luxury of this new house.
The house was in a big compound surrounded by other community household which belonged to my husbandâs relatives. We all lived together like a big happy family with each house having their day to choose dinner, despite employing two maids, one for cleaning and one for cooking. My role was strictly to look after my husband.
At first, I had been resistant with the idea of getting married again, but with time I grew into it. Kisebu sebu na kiroho kipapo!
Part Twenty Nine
One month after I cleared high school, with nothing else to do at home and no future plans of pursuing further education, I went back to my old job at the lesso shop. Since I had a good track record and had left peacefully, they gladly took me back. âI wish there is more I can do for you. But right now I am ready to start a family. I will be getting married next month to someone I work withâ Moha had crashed my dreams of ever being with him.
âCongratulationsâ I said and hugged him quickly. I did not want him to see sadness in my face. Moha remained a good and loyal friend who only wanted to help me, without asking for anything in return, I guess there are still good men out there.
âWelcome back Rukia, we missed youâ everyone at the shop welcomed me.
âI received all your success wishes, thank you.â
âDid you pass?â
âYes I got an Aâ
âWow! Nice! I got a D in my exams, school is not for me!â
Although things had changed at the shop, my role at the shop was expected to be same. Be a cashier and sometimes help with the sales people at the front shop. The management of the shop had now been left to the grandchildren. Mzee only came occasionally.
Mzee was surprised to see at the shop again.
âRukia! You are back!â he could not hide his enthusiasm.
âYes I amâ
âSo you are done with school?â
âYes sirâ
âPlease do not call me sir. Call me Hajjâ
âOkâ
I balanced my accounts at the end of the day and helped lock up the shop. I headed straight to the bus station to get a matatu home. I was done for the day. I got home in less than forty minutes.
âinnalillah wainnailayhi rajiun (To allah we are from and to Him we will go back)â my mother was standing by the door talking on her phone. I waited for her to finish talking on the phone.
âWho died?â
âI am so sorry but it is your ex-husband Abdi dear. He died in his sleep although he had been very sick latelyâ
I hugged my mother and we said our prayers for the departed. I was saddened by the news given the fact that I shared my life with him, even if it was a brief period of time. But no tears formed in my eyes, they were as dry as the Kalahari Desert.
âWhen is the funeral?â
âTomorrow at noon lunch prayersâ
Muslims do not take their deceased to mortuary, they are buried immediately. You can die today and be buried the same day. A white shroud is bought where the corpse is covered with it from head to toe, he/she is taken to the mosque for the last prayer before people proceed to the grave for burial. It is a simple ritual. I arrived at work late the following morning because my mother and I attended the funeral and paid our last respect.
âMzee has been looking for youâ I am informed immediately I step into the shop. I secure my handbag and head straight to his office. I knocked on the door and was immediately ushered in.
âSir, I was told you were looking for me?â
âWhat did I say about you calling me sir?â
âI am so sorryâ
âJust make sure you donât forget next time, yes?â
âYes Hajjâ
âSo why were you late today?â he inquired.
âI was attending my ex-husbandâs funeralâ
âOoh my condolences.â
âThank youâ
âThis might be inappropriate at this time but I wanted to tell you that I am still interested in you. My feelings for you are still there and I wish you would just give it a chance. Please give it a second thoughtâ
âOk I will think about it and let you knowâ. I left his office and went about my work.
Part Thirty
âA penny for your thoughts?â
I am brought back to reality by my colleague.
âSorry something is on my mind. What were you saying?â
âWhat is bothering you? Sometimes it is good to share your thoughts you knowâ
âDo you promise not to say anything to anyone?â
âYes, I promiseâ
âmzee is interested in me and has asked me to think about it. This is the second time he has told me thisâ.
âI told you so!â
âshh! Keep it down!â
âSorry! So what now? Are you going to say yes?â
âI donât know I am still thinking about itâ
âBut what is there to think about? I wish I was in your shoes. Good fortunes do not come knocking twiceâ
This weighed heavily on me as I headed home for the day. I confided in the only person I knew, my mother who helped me make my final decision.
I remembered the day we got married four months ago, i had not wanted a big wedding. Itâs not like my first wedding was anything to compare with. We had agreed to visit the attorney general’s office with our respective witnesses and sign the marriage certificate.
It was a close affair but the few people that knew about it were not very pleased. I had been labeled a gold digger, a trash, a whore, someone not worthy to sit on the throne by the grandchildren. They had even gone a step further to accuse me of witchcraft. But mzee had defended me and told them to leave me alone.
I had proven them all wrong. I did not have a problem co-owning the house and all other assets that my husband acquired for me. I still lived a simple life of working as a sales person during the day and a loving wife at night. I still could not get pregnant and a visit to the townâs best gynecologist revealed I had fibroids which needed to be removed. A date had already been set for the surgery.
âRukia! Rukia!â my husbandâs voice came from upstairs.
âI am coming!â
âWhere were you?â
âI had gone for a glass of waterâ
âOk please help me turn aroundâ
I moved to the bed and assisted him on the other side.
âThank youâ
I stayed and waited for him to go back to sleep. My husband was no ordinary man and needed round the clock care. When my friends out I was married to him, they were shocked and worried, but I assured them that I was fine. That I was happy and was not forced by anyone.
Even though I had initially refused his request, I eventually gave in and married the mzee. Yes, paka mzee alikunywa maziwa eventually! He was seventy years old and I was old enough to be his granddaughter. His wife was old too and could not take care of his needs. I would ensure he eats and takes his medicine on time, check his health every day to ensure he is fine. He would not eat without me. The personal driver would drive us to the shop every day and pick us up at the end of the day. I would travel with him to places that I only dreamed of, India, Malaysia, and Indonesia etc. it was still a prison but the terms and conditions are much better than the first one.
I laid down to sleep next to him. Closing my eyes, I vowed not to let such things kill me because I was already dead inside. Duniani siko na akhera natafutwa! Every morning that I wake up alive, I ask izrail, the death of angel, âtoday is not the day?” I cannot wait for the day I would finally be free! In the meantime, let me enjoy what I have. Heshima pesa shkamoo makelele!
The end
I had just finished college and was back in my home town. I was a Muslim lady from Mombasa town and was studying in Nairobi at KCA University undertaking Bachelor of Commerce for three years. I decided to move back home because I got a job offer at a local firm. Although the pay was not good, it was a stepping stone that I gladly took.
I stayed with my parents while waiting for my first salary to move out. This was not permitted in my culture but I was determined to do it. âA Muslim lady cannot stay on her own before getting married!â my mother objected. âHow can you stay on your own? You canât leave your fatherâs house if you are not marriedâ she persisted. But staying on my own in college for the last three years made me realize that I needed my freedom in order to pursue my dreams. That I cannot let the hands of time predict my destiny and my life, so I convinced my dad that this was the best decision for me. Luckily for me, he agreed.
I invited my nephew Salim, to go celebrate my victory with me. We were born the same year so we were age mates. We decided to go to the Nyali beach which was private. Since he had a date for the day, he invited his friend so I wonât be bored. He arrived few minutes later. âHi, my name is Yusra and you are lateâ, I introduced myself. âI am so sorryâ, he stammered and introduced himself as Kevin.
After introductions, we headed to the changing rooms so we can go swimming. My nephew was with his date while I was with Kevin. I came out of the changing room wearing a two piece bikini and I could see Kevinâs jaws dropping. âYap that serves him right!â I said to myself sheepishly and dived into the waves.
The feeling of the water hitting my body was so refreshing and soon we were splashing each other in the water and laughing loudly. We would come out of the water, take selfies and go back to swim. It was an afternoon well spent. I had a good time with Kevin despite the fact that we came from two different worlds. He was a Christian from a Luo community while I was a Muslim from the conservative coastal island of Pemba.
As we were heading home, I asked Kevin âHey, will you come to my graduation party next week in Nairobi?â He looked deep into my eyes and answered âI would not miss it for the worldâ.
Right there and then, I knew this was only the beginning of something I could not deny myself.
We never exchanged numbers but I knew that could not have stopped him from finding me. Two days to my graduation I received a face book request from Kevin. âHi, long time no see. Is graduation still on?â a message followed immediately after. I was beyond joy but I decided to play it cool, so I text back âyeah, not thinking of bailing, are you?â He quickly types âand miss the history making moment? I have to work a double shift to make it but I will definitely see you there.â I then remember of the photos we took at the beach and tag him in one where he was caught by camera checking me out while scratching his head. I captioned it âThe million dollar question?â I smile to myself and book tickets for me and my nephew Salim.
Salim and I arrive in Nairobi and head straight to the graduation ceremony along Thika Road in Ruaraka. I say hi to my classmates and introduce my nephew to them. We chit chat while patiently waiting for Kevin to arrive. We had not travelled together with him since he was still at work. He was travelling immediately after his shift.
The ceremony was coming to an end when Kevin arrived, but I was happy that he was here. I was only celebrating with my nephew Salim, my family could not make it and the fact that he took his time from his busy schedule to come was beyond appreciated. We hugged, took photos with my classmates and friends and since we were all alone, we were invited to Kitengela by my classmate for a post-graduation party. We end up having a good time with my friendâs family till late in the evening and had to excuse ourselves to leave since we were all travelling back to Mombasa the same night.
We made it on time to catch our bus. I sit with Kevin while Salim sits behind us. As we were waiting for the bus to leave, Salim receives a call and goes outside the bus. Few minutes later, Salim calls me and says âBrian is here and wants to see youâ. I was speechless for a minute before I told him âAs far as I am concerned, he is dead to meâ. Kevin looks at me with bewilderment and asks âWho is Brian?â
I looked at him straight in the eyes and said âHe is an ex-boyfriendâ. Right then my phone vibrates signaling I have a call, I check and the screen displays Brian. I leave it unanswered but he persists calling until I hear the question âarenât you going to answer that?â I say âNoâ. Kevin then grabs the phone from my hands and says âhello! Who is this and how may I help you?â I hear him telling Brian that he can leave a message if he wishes. He then disconnects the call. I am left speechless and embarrassed due to the drama unfolding before my eyes. So I remain silent and the bus leaves for Mombasa.
Kevin breaks the uncomfortable silence and tells me âHey, we came here to celebrate, let us not make this drama spoil it. We can talk about Brian whenever you are readyâ. I sigh in relief and tell him âWe might as well talk about it and close the partâ. So I look ahead and narrates to him about Brian.
It was freshman year when we met. I was new in Nairobi and didnât have a lot of friends and coming from a different culture made it difficult for me to make any. Everything was different, from the food, dressing, and even the language. I spoke fluent Swahili and English while most of the people spoke sheng. I did not know my way around town and whenever I asked my female friends to take me, they were always busy with their own stuff. Brian would take me places and never said no whenever I needed someone to take me somewhere. He was a charmer and soon I was falling in love with him. We dated during my time in college but it was a rocky relationship. There were other women around and would sometimes even call my number to abuse me. I would get mad and call it off with Brian. He would come back on his knees crying, begging, promising and even swearing that it was not true. I did not have friends of my own that I would talk to and go have fun when am not in class. I would spend most of the weekends alone watching movies. After sometime, I would still take him back but deep down I knew this was a doomed relationship and I needed to leave him for good. I just had to gather the courage.
During my last semester, I completed my thesis early because I was attending my cousinâs wedding in Pemba. I took it to the dean but they said they were not collecting it yet. âBut I am going back to my hometown, âI persisted but the answer was no. So I gave it to Brian with clear instructions to deliver it before the deadline. I was off for my holiday! Yey! All the time I was on holiday, I would remind Brian about my thesis and he promised that he had delivered it in time, so there was no need to worry.
The shock was on me when results were out. I had passed all my exams except project because my thesis was not handed in! I could not believe Brian had the nerve to do this to me. So I call him. âHi my dear, how are youâ he answers. âWell, that depends on whether I am graduating this year or notâ, I say. âWhat do you mean? Of course we are graduating!â he jokes. So I ask him âdid you hand over my thesis? Because results are out and I failed that specific subject.â He goes silent for a minute before answering âof course I did! I swear I did! Why would I do that to you? I will go there tomorrow to clarify everything, âhe promises.
I waited but there was no feedback from him and I knew I had been played. I cut my holiday short to go to Nairobi and sort the issue myself. I arrive in Nairobi the following day and heads to the deanâs office and explain the situation to him. He asks me âAre you sure he delivered because according to our records, we have not received itâ. I call Brian and ask him the name of the person that he gave my thesis to. He is surprised that I am in Nairobi. âAre you at KCA now?â he enquires and I tell him yes. He then says âok, wait for me am comingâ.
He shows up thirty minutes later. When I saw what he was holding in his hands, my heart shattered into a million pieces and I just broke down crying. âWhy! Why!â I kept shouting at him. The dean then asks me to write a letter explaining what happened before he could accept my thesis. I took a pen and a paper and penned down the events then signed it off. I gave it to the dean who also signed it .I walked out of the office.
I did not know where I was going to but I just needed to get out of there. I rushed to the stage to catch a leaving matatu to take me anywhere but here. âYusra! Yusra! Wait!â I hear my name being called but I do not stop, I already knew who it was. As I reached the stage, a hand grabs me and says âhey, let me explain pleaseâ Brian says crying and kneeling down in front of me. People already gather to see what is happening. I look at him in his eyes and tell him âthere is nothing in this world that you could possibly say to me that will change my mindâ. I quickly board a matatu and leave him there.
âThat was the last straw that broke the camelâs backâ, I said to Kevin. âI came back to Mombasa and I have not spoken to him sinceâ.
âWow that is quite a storyâ.
âI know it is a mess and I will understand if you decide to stay awayâ
âWho said anything about staying away, I am just getting started!â he grins and kisses me on the lips.
This catches me unawares but I quickly recover and kiss him back, savoring the taste of mint in his mouth. I feel butterflies in my stomach and I do not care if Salim is watching us or any other worries I may have had. We kissed until we ran out for breath.
We arrived in Mombasa at the wee hours of the morning and Kevin said goodbye immediately and leaves alone. I am left with Salim and we go home together silently.
One week later, I moved into my new home. I was sharing a two bedroom apartment with a roommate. My mother did not accept it but there was nothing she could do since my dad already agreed. I said goodbye to my parents and hello to my new home! I just had a bed and a mattress, a dressing table I had bought a while back while on my trip in Dar es Salaam Tanzania and kitchen utensils which were enough to get me started.
Salim and Kevin came to see me in my new home and suggested we go out and celebrate. I agreed and quickly change to go out. We grab our drinks and join the party until late at night. They dropped me off and we said goodbye. I changed into my sleeping pajamas and fall right asleep.
I woke up in the morning still sleepy. I dragged myself to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading to work. I grabbed my phone to leave and thatâs when I saw several missed calls from Kevin. I called back.
âHeyâ, he immediately answers
âHey, whatâs up?â
âNothing much, I just wanted us to talk⌠Just you and meâ.
âOk, can we meet in the evening then, because am headed to work right nowâ.
âThatâs ok. See you laterâ
âByeâ.
I am swarmed with a thousand questions on what he wanted to talk about. Nothing seemed off the previous night and we all had a wonderful time. I tried not to think about it during the day but I couldnât. I was nervous and anxious. âThere is only one way to find out,â I said to myself as I pack my stuff to go home in the evening.
I got home, showered then changed into something comfortable. I applied little make up and wait for Kevin to show up. There was a knock at the door and I jumped to answer it. I came face to face with a 6ft tall dark man wearing khaki shorts and a Spiderman t-shirt holding a bowl of ice-cream and chocolate.
âKevin!â I smiled at him and invited him in. âThanks for the chocolate and ice-creamâ, I said sitting down next to him.
âYou are welcomeâ
âWell, what did you want to talk aboutâ, I quickly address the elephant in the room.
âWell, this is harder than I thought! Hahahaâ he laughs but still continue. âI guess you already know how much I like you. No, scratch that. How much I really like you. I was blown away by your beauty the first time I me you. Honestly, I was not even planning to show up that day, I could not imagine myself babysitting Salimâs old aunty! But I am glad I did because I got to meet the most amazing, beautiful and intelligent lady I have ever met. You are so different from the other Swahili ladies I have known and thatâs what attracted me to you the most. I know that all the odds are against us, starting from you being my best friendâs aunt, to religion, culture and all, but will you be girlfriend?â he held my hands and asked me.
I was left speechless. I did not say anything for a whole five minutes. A thousand things were running through my mind.
âHey, say something!â Kevin shakes me.
âI like you too! But it is too soon to be in a relationship again considering I recently broke up with Brian. I need to find my inner me before committing again. Can we be friends first, you know get each other?â I said and then add âwith benefitsâ.
Kevin would call at least three times in a day to inquire about my day. If we were not talking on phone, then we were chatting till late at night. He would visit my place so often and we would spend most of our free time together. He was caring and loving, always saying the right words at the right time and soon we could not spend a day without talking to each other. Even though I went on a few dates with other people, they did not meet my expectations and I would always find myself thinking about Kevin.
One day, I received a call from Salim that my older sister was in town. She lived abroad and had come visiting. So I called Salim to speak to her, I did not know she was in town because we had not spoken for a while.
âHi, how are you!â I say over the phone excited.
âWhat do you want Yusra?â My sister, Hadija, replied harshly.
âWell, I wanted to speak to you and apologize for whatever happened between us. We are sisters bound by blood and nothing should come between us. Let bygones be bygonesâ.
âWell, as far as I come concerned, you are no longer my sister and I do not want to speak to you again!â she said to me.
I disconnect the call and tears started running down my cheeks. I wipe them away with the back of my hand but more tears cloud my eyes. I called the only person that comes to my mind.
âHi, Can you come over please?â I said on the receiver.
âAre you ok?â
âNoâ
âI am on my wayâ.
I switch off my phone and wait for him.
Kevin arrived at my place 15mins later and found me crying on the bed. Without saying anything, he took me in his arms and hugged me. I cried silently in his arms until I could not anymore.
We sit silently the whole afternoon just staring at the ceiling. After a while, Kevin asks me âdo you want to talk about it now?â
âIt is my sister, she is in town and we have not spoken for a while. I called her through Salimâs phone but she said she does not recognize me as her sister. She never wants to speak to me againâ, I explain.
âDo you know whyâ, Kevin asked.
âYes I think soâ
âAndâŚ..â
âAll my expenses in college were paid through someone called Munir. He is my sisterâs a friend. â
âMy sister is 12years older than meâ, I explained to Kevin.
She got married and moved to England when I was young, eight years old I remember. I am a second last born in a family of eight and all my siblings are much older than me. My parents gave birth to me and my last born sister when they were old. Thatâs why you see Salim is my age mate. She took me through secondary school until I completed my KCSE and passed. However, I could not pursue further education due to financial constraint so I was at home for two years assisting my other older sister with her business.
One day, my sister Hadija calls me and tells me she found someone who was willing to pay for my college tuition. I was thrilled and over the moon! My dreams were finally coming through. In the two years I had been at home, I had to refuse marriage proposals that came my way and I knew it was only a matter of time before I could no longer say no.
Hadija was coming back to Kenya for holiday soon. We were going to talk more then. She arrived weeks later and we were all so happy. She was now staying in a rented cottage.
She then explains to me that she met Munir on an online platform where they were both members. They shared a last name and that had spiked an interest in both of them which resulted in chatting and soon they became friends. He was a Canadian living and working in Dar es Salaam Tanzania where he had his own company. He had asked her what she does for a living and she had said she does not have a stable job. They had then discussed about family and thatâs when my name came up. She told him I could not further my education because of finances. Out of blue and unexpected, Munir suggested he will pay for it!
So here we were, Hadija and I, on our way to Dar es Salaam Tanzania meet Munir. A man we have never met. A man willing to change our lives for nothing in return.
We arrived in Dar es Salaam and my cousin, Cheo, who lives there picked us up and took us to his house. We were exhausted from the 12 hours bus ride from Mombasa to Dar es Salaam. We went straight to bed after showering and eating supper.
We were meeting Munir the following day for lunch. He gave us direction to his office and we were there early. I was nervous and anxious at the same time. I did not know what to expect. I was praying that this was not a sick joke that would rip open my heart and tear away my hopes. Munir did not keep us waiting for long. He came out of his office soon to greet us.
He was an Indian-African man who looked young and fit for his 60 year age. He was smartly dressed in an official office attire of checked shirt and khaki trouser with matching black shoes. He smiled at us and extended a hand to Hadija âIt is a pleasure to finally meet you in personâ he says to her. âAnd you must the young Yusraâ he says to me. I smile back and extend my hand to meet his. âShall we?â we follow him out of the building.
A blue Mercedes comes around and he opens the door for us. He whispers to the driver and soon we were driving off. I watch silently as Hadija and Munir make small chitchats, mostly on her trip from England to Mombasa then to Dar. At the corner of my eyes, I see Munir stealing glances at me but I pretend to play with my phone. We soon arrive at a five star restaurant.
We take our seats at a table near a balcony. By this time, my sister Hadija is relaxed and chatting nonstop to Munir who responds with a comment or a laugh as we wait for our orders to arrive.
âSo Yusra, have you ever been outside Kenyaâ, Munir throws me off guide by asking me a question.
âUmm yes, the furthest I have gone is Tanzania since we have relatives hereâ, I reply politely.
Our food arrives and the conversation is drifted to other topics, we talk about food, culture, politics and the rest. We taste each otherâs food and soon we were all relaxed.
âSo what would you like to pursue? I had told your sister that I would like to sponsor your educationâ, the conversation starred back to me.
âWell, I always wanted to be an airhostess, you know visit different cities and still get paid for itâ, I say.
âNo, that is not a respectable career. It is not as fancy as you think you know.â I am soon discouraged.
âWhat about piloting?â
âThat is a very good choice. However, it is very expensive.â
âMy third option is accounting and financeâ
âThatâs very good! I suggest you look for a college and email me the details as soon as possible!â
âThank you so much! I am forever gratefulâ, I say with tears of happiness in my eyes.
I got up and hugged my sister and we cry tears of joy.
âDonât I get a hug too?â Munir asked looking at us.
âOf course!â
I hug him and he hugs me back tighter until I feel like suffocating. He then whispers something that only I could hear. âYou smell so good.â
We left the restaurant and Munir asked the driver to drop us at our cousinâs place. He is dropped back at the office while we gave the address to the driver. We never saw Munir again as it was a short stay. But we return home happy and excited! I never told my sister about the restaurant incident.
I immediately send out my college applications in the hope of getting accepted as soon as possible but I donât any that was willing to take me halfway through the semester. I inform Munir that I had been advised to wait until the following year.
âWhy donât you apply outside Mombasa? Nairobi perhapsâ he encourages.
âBut that is too far. Besides, I donât have any relatives that I can stay with in Nairobiâ
âDonât worry about that, you can stay in a hostel. Is there someone that can go with you to inquire? Of course I will pay for the tripâ
âReally!â
âYesâ.
So I told my friend Belinda about it and she was more than willing to take me. She knew people in Nairobi who would help us move around. It was a girlâs trip and we were excited! We packed our bags and soon were happily boarding a bus to Nairobi, the city of hustlers.
The trip with Belinda was amazing. We were like children on a school trip. We chatted, took selfies and laughed at our own stories. We arrive in Nairobi and Alex, Belindaâs friend was there to pick us up. He was friendly and a gentleman and carried our bags all the way to his house in Kasarani. He was free the following day and would take us to the several campuses he knew. We cooked and ate dinner at his place. He insisted we sleep in the bedroom while he was going to crash on his couch.
We were soon introduced to the roommate. A guy who was coming back from work. I looked at Belinda with worried eyes. It was now too late to go looking for a hotel. I said my silent prayer and Belinda and I head off to the bedroom and leave the two men alone.
I locked the door behind me.
âWhy are you locking the door?â Belinda inquired.
âUmmmm so we donât get raped by two men in the sitting roomâŚ.â
âThey canât do thatâ
âReally? And how well do you know this Alex guy?â
âHe used to date my cousin Joan but this is the first time am meeting himâ
âWell then, the door stays locked!â I insisted then grab a lighter that was nearby.
âWhatâs the lighter for?â
âIn case they try to break the door at night to rape us. Then we can burn down the house!â
We look at each other and roar with laughter.
The two men were true gentlemen and never did anything to us. Alex took us to several campuses where I delivered my applications. KCA agreed to enroll me mid-semester. We were all ecstatic and head to town for a quick sightseeing before going back to Mombasa that night.
Belinda called another one of her friends who studied at UON, Ben. He did not have classes that day so he showed up. Belinda said hello and hugged him. I followed suit and did the same. We ended up in a restaurant for a quick snack and drinks. I later learnt that Ben did IT at the university and lived in Buruburu with his family.
âI can show you around the city when you come. Just give me a callâ, Ben said to me and we soon exchange numbers. I was grateful that I knew at least two people already who were more than willing to show me around the city. We hang out a little bit more before Belinda announced that she wanted to leave.
âOk, we need to go back to Kasarani and get ready to leave anywayâ, I said.
âI will come with youâ, Ben volunteered.
On our way back, Belinda sat with Alex while Ben sat with me. They were all quiet while we were talking and laughing out loudly. We got to Alexâs place where we packed out bags and got ready to leave for Mombasa. We said goodbye to Alex at the door and I personally thank him for hosting us by slipping in hand one thousand shilling note without anyone noticing. Ben took us to the bus station.
I noticed that all this time Belinda was quiet and spoke only when spoken to. She was not her usual chatty self.
âAre you ok?â I asked her
âYeah, am fineâ she replied.
âIs it Ben? Are you annoyed that he has taken a liking to me? Do you like him?â I asked Belinda.
âNo, you can marry him for all I careâ.
I keep quiet and pretend I didnât hear the last comment. We say our goodbye to Ben and board the bus to Mombasa. In the bus, Belinda removed her shawl, tilted her seat, covered herself and slept straight away. She woke up when we arrive in Mombasa eight hours later.
âI am waiting for someone to pick me, you go right aheadâ she informed me as we were collecting our bags. She then heads the opposite direction. I look at her walking away and realize that I had just lost my best friend. I took my bag and went home alone.
I informed Munir of the good news as soon as soon as I got back home. I gave him a breakdown of what was required and the relevant costs. He promised to send me the money before end of week.
I informed my parents about my progress and the plans of moving to Nairobi. They were horrified and could not understand why I could not just attend one in Mombasa. Nairobi was a big city and I was a small girl on her own. They had heard terrible stories about Nairobi and were reluctant to let me go. I explained to them that time was of essence, that I needed to enroll to a school before my sponsor changed his mind.
True to his words, Munir sent me one thousand dollars by the end of the week. This was to cater for installment fees, hostel and any other miscellaneous expenses I might incur when relocating to the new town. I was flabbergasted, I had never been given so much money in my life! This was all a dream that I did not want to wake up from. But Alas! It was not and soon I had packed my suitcase and was saying goodbye to my family. I called Alex and Ben to pick me up at the bus station in the morning.
I alighted from the bus and was relieved to see Alex waiting for me. I hugged and thank him for showing up so early in the morning. Ben was still at home getting ready so I informed him that I was leaving with Alex.
Alex took me to the university where I made my payments and filled out all the necessary paperwork. I was advised of the hostels close to the campus and I chose one and headed there to make my payments. I am issued with a receipt and welcomed by the owner.
For the few weeks that followed, Alex and Ben helped me adjust to the new city. Belinda never spoke to me again. I was a curious one who loved to explore and would always call Ben or Alex, whoever was available. But soon they were both busy and I ended up hanging out more with Brian.
Munir would always check on me to ensure I was comfortable. He suggested I maintain an excel sheet to account for all the money he had sent me. âFor record keepingâ, he insisted. I did not mind, I created an excel sheet and posted all my expenses there and would send it to him every month. He would send me money randomly even when I did not ask for it. I never misused the money and always ended up having excess.
âDonât tell you sister how much I am giving youâ he told me one day.
âWhyâ
âSo she does not feel obligated to repay meâ
âOkâ
âAnd I want you to use the money I am giving you. Go to the saloon and get your hair done. Buy whatever you need to maintain yourself. When you feel good and self-confident, you concentrate on your studies. I donât want you worrying about money or anything else except passing and graduating.â
He was true to his word and financed all my expenses. He threw a fit when he knew I had saved up some cash so I stopped. I decided to enjoy myself while it lasted, little did I know that this was his way of controlling me. To ensure I solely depended on him. That I would always go back to him for more. That I would do anything he asks of me.
Despite my fooling around in campus, I always made sure I handed over all my assignments in time and passed all my exams. My eyes were always on the prize-the degree certificate. Munir sent me money through someone the whole of my first year in college. I would easily pass off as his relative since we shared a last name.
The school required me to go for attachment after I completed my first year. I was informed that I could go anywhere as long as it was East Africa. Munir invited me have my internship at his company in Dar es Salaam and I accepted. I stayed in Dar es Salaam for three months with my cousin Cheo.
One day, Munir and I went out for lunch. We talked about school, my dreams and hopes after graduation, family. I told him that I was the only one in my family that had taken an interest in school. My younger sister who was the last born had dropped out in class four and joined Islamic studies.
He informed me that his family lived back in Canada and that he lives alone in Dar es Salaam. All his kids were older and the last born was in college just like me. The conversation then took a different turn when I was asked âDo you have a boyfriend?â
âNoâ
âI find that hard to believe, you knowâ
âWell, itâs trueâ
âYou are very beautifulâ
âThank youâ I said uncomfortably.
âI want to say something and am not sure how you will take itâ
âHere we goâŚ..â I said to myself as I looked at him
âWhatever we discuss here will not affect my sponsorship with you, I will keep my promise to the end. I really like you, you know. I can no longer ignore my attraction towards you and since my wife is not around, I need someone to make me feel loved and special. I am a respectable man who cannot be seen misbehaving around and your sister trusts me to take care of you. Here is my proposition to you. I want to secretly marry you, get you an apartment and take care of you. In return you also take care of me. No one should know that we are married not even your family, so that when the right guy comes along, I can secretly divorce, then you marry him.â
I looked at him with bewildered eyes. No words formed in my mouth due to shock and insanity of the manâs proposal. I just sat there silently looking at him.
âDonât look so worried, it is not difficult.â He tells me
âWhy? Have you done it before?â the cat finally let go of my tongue.
âYes, there was this lady called Mariam that I really liked and we agreed to do it. I paid for her apartment and all her expenses. We didnât meet every day for I am a busy man plus I travel a lot. â
âWhat happened?â
âWell, I found out that she was cheating on me with other men bringing them to the apartment. So I ended it with herâ
âDid your wife know?â
âOf course no. she would have killed both of us!â
I sat there waiting for him to say that it was some sick joke. That he was toying with my mind. That he cared for me like his own daughter or granddaughter. But the words that came next made me realize that he was damn serious. âRemember, your response will not affect your sponsorship. I will still pay for your college till the endâ.
I then looked at him and a thousand questions ran through my mind at ones. I examine his face, even though the years had been kind to him, the wrinkles on his face were visible. He was not bald but his hair was a mixture of black and grey hair. He was still in good shape but I wondered how long that would last.
Will I have my own apartment with designer clothes and expensive perfumes? I could assist my family and pull them out of the claws of poverty. Do I want to jeopardize my education right now after I have reached this far? Only two years remained. Do I want to marry secretly without my familyâs knowledge? Do I want to spend my prime years with a man old enough to be my father? What would happen if I say no? What would happen if I say yes? How will this even work? What will people say?
This was a decision of a life time and there were no second chances in living. I could choose to live my life to the fullest the way I wanted with no regrets or allow other people dictate it. The choice was mine to make.
âDonât think about it too hard. I didnât mean to stress you. In fact, forget I said anything ok?â Munir pulled me out of my trance.
âNo, I have my answerâ.
âYou do?â Munir asked surprised.
âYes, and my answer is no.â I said and watched his reaction.
He seemed surprised by my answer, like he was sure I would happily agree to his proposal. That I would be okay with just being the other woman. That I would stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of money.
âI am young and want to make all those stupid mistakes young people make. I want to feel love. I want to be independent and have control of my own life. I want my mistakes to be my fault so that when I pray to God for forgiveness, it will because I am truly sorry I did itâ.
âIndependent lady, yes? Ok then, I respect your answer even though I wonât lie that I am heartbroken. I guess I am too old to loveâ he responded jokingly.
âItâs nothing personalâ.
I was relieved that we both behaved like mature adults and did not embarrass each other at the restaurant. I was also glad that the conversation had ended and we were soon leaving. The driver dropped him off first before me. I was quiet during the whole ride hoping and praying that he would still pay for my college.
He never stopped paying for the fees but the tack ticks of giving me the money changed. He would insist on me travelling all the way to where he was working from for me to obtain the money directly from him. He would get touchy and tell me how lonely he was but never force himself on me. And I would go just because I did not have any other choice.
I told my two sisters about the marriage proposal. His friend Hadija and the one I used to live with before I started college. They just laughed it off and never took it as an offence. To them, he was God sent and he could whatever he wished as long as he paid for all my college expenses. My father and my sisters were happy as long as the money kept flowing. In fact I was given an example of Celine Dion and her late husband Reneâ. I knew that my degree certificate was my only way out.
Unfortunately during my last year in college, Munirâs company was under investigation and was facing financial challenges. I panicked and could not imagine that I have come this far for me not to finish my last semester in college. I informed my sister Hadija with hopes that she may chip in, but she never did. In fact, she stopped talking to me altogether and went ahead to block my number without saying anything to me. I only realized the reason when I spoke to Munir.
âYour sister Hadija asked how much I was giving you. So I sent her the excel file which has all the money I gave you and how you spent it.â
âWhy would you do that when you were the one who specifically told me not to tell her?â
âShe asked me about itâ
âWell, I guess thatâs why she has stopped talking to then. Because I had turned to her for help when you told me you were facing financial challenges and I was afraid I will not be able to finish the semester.â
âI am sure that is not the caseâ
Munir never realized the magnitude of what he did until it was too late. Eight years later and Hadija has still has not spoken to me and after my first apology where she denied me being her sister, I stopped caring. Munirâs influence to get us to talk proved futile and he soon gave up. My family could not understand what had happened between us and neither could I explain, so I left it to her to fill the gaps. My sister and I have never met again since.
Kevin did not judge my relationship with my family. Hadija came for holiday in Kenya and my whole family would go visit her at the hotel, but I never did and the fact that I had already moved out saved me a whole lot trouble when she came visiting at home. Boy was I glad that I was not in her way! I would spend most of my time with Kevin who had become a part of my life without me realizing. I was at work when he sent me a message
Hi my dear. I hope that you are well. I miss you already even though we just parted ways in the morning. You have been so stressed lately especially with your sister being around. I want to take you out of town for the weekend, so you can just relax and enjoy yourself. All I need from you is to say yes and leave everything to me.
I just stared at the phone knowing very well I did not deserve such a caring person. I had done nothing but friend zone him, with benefits of course for the last six months but he still held hopes that he would eventually make a decent woman out of me.
âWhat are you staring at so absent mindedly?â my cubemate who was sitting next to me asked.
I showed her the text without saying anything.
âI would do anything to have someone care for me like thisâ, she said returning the phone to me.
I took it without saying anything and text a reply.
I would love to go out of town with you. Thank you. I hit send.
The weekend could not have arrived earlier. I wait excitedly at my door for Kevin to pick me up and soon we were on our way to Malindi. I tried to inquire on where exactly we were going but he only replied that it was a surprise. Two hours later, we arrived at the most beautiful place I could ever imagine. It was an apartment surrounded by well-kept trees and flowers with a swimming pool at the center. It had a restaurant and a bar for those who wished to be served indoors. It was breathtaking.
âThis is so beautiful!â I said while hugging him. Thank you! I gave him a kiss.
âAnything for the beautiful lady who holds the keys to my heartâ
The weekend was the best I had ever had for years. We visited the beach, the museum, the best restaurant in town, the night clubs and soon it was time to go home.
âI am ready to be your girlfriend officiallyâ I told Kevin.
My relationship with Kevin was blissful. He was the best boyfriend I could ever pray for. We spent most of our time together and he would always check up on me. One day he fell sick and I had to meet his parent. Even though it was for a brief moment, they were very polite and welcoming.
As soon as he felt better, I told him that we needed to talk about the future.
âIs there a next step in this relationship or are just having fun?â I inquired.
âWhy?â
âBecause if this is more to this than just dating, then we need to talk about our differences. Culture, tribe, religion. We need to discuss it at an earlier stage in our relationship so we donât end up wasting each otherâs time.â
âOK. Let us talk about it because my heart is all in, Are you sure you have not bewitched me? Whenever I say my girlfriend is from Pemba, I always get a pat on my shoulderâ he joked.
âWell, thatâs because I called my grandfather in Pemba and we have put you in a bottle there. So you are now bowing in all my commands. Try something funny and see!â I teased him.
âAbout religion, I know you guys are very strict on that. Your family will never allow you to marry outside your religion. And my family are strict Christian, especially my mum. They will never accept me worshiping any other religion.â
âHonestly, it will be very hard for my family to accept you but I can compensate on the tribe and culture and convince them. But am not sure about the religion. I want to raise my children in one religion and I do not wish to convert to Christianity. So why donât take your time and learn about the religion then let me know about your decision? You should convert entirely because you want toâ.
Kevin started learning about the religion slowly by slowly while we were still dating. I would visit his parents as often as I could and they accepted that I was a Muslim girlfriend. The fact that I was graduate and independent erased any fears or doubts that they may had towards me. We dated for five years without once getting into a fight or breaking up.
One day, I received a text.
Hi. I am coming to Mombasa tomorrow, can we meet?
I looked at the text and the familiar number before I decided to reply.
Yes, sure
Ok I canât wait to see you.
I did not bother replying.
âTell me again why you need to go for this meeting?â Kevin kept asking.
âBecause I need closure. â I simply explained.
âYou do want me to come with you?â
âNo, I will be ok on my ownâ.
âOK let me know in case you need anything. You know am always here for youâ
âYes dearâ
We said our goodbyes before I went to sleep. I was awoken by my phone ringing at 12AM. I picked it up without checking who it was.
âHelloâ. I answered in my sleepy voice.
âHi. Sorry for waking you up. I just wanted to tell you am at.â
âOkâ I disconnected the call and switched it off. Mtito Andei
I fell back to sleep straight away only waking up when the sun was already out. It was 9Am in the morning.
I switch on my phone to find 30 missed calls and 20 messages.
âAm here at the bus station. Where are you? Are you coming to pick me up? Why are you not answering my calls?â The messages had a desperate tone to them.
I dialed the number and it was picked on the second ring.
âHi! I have been here since 5Am in the morning. Why have you not been picking my calls?â
âThatâs because I was asleep. It is what we do at nightâ
âBut you knew I was on my way. I thought you would pick me up at the bus station?â
âWell, you thought wrong. I was not going to drop everything for you. Besides, you know Mombasa since you had come here on your own before, so you should not have difficulty moving aroundâ I retorted with sarcasm.
âOk fine. Is there somewhere we can sit and talk? I am still sitting here at the bus station in the waiting lounge. â
âWe can talk at Mama Ngina drive. Itâs a park and has a nice view. It is also convenient for me, I have other plans.â
âThat is fine. Can you pick me please? I really do not know where that place isâ
âAgggrrr! Fine! I will be there in 30 minsâ
I take my sweet time before I leave for the bus station.
I found him seated there alone. He looked tired and weary but still made an effort to smile at me when he saw me.
âHi Yusra, long time no see. You look beautiful than ever.â
âHi Brianâ
Just then the lady who was manning the lounge asked him. âIs this who you have been waiting for?â
âYes, thank you for letting me wait hereâ Brian replied her.
âOk then letâs goâ I say and head out.
We ride silently to mama ngina and find a spot to sit.
âSo, how have you been? You look good by the wayâ he said to me.
âThank you.â
âThis place is so beautiful. It has good scenery. I can stay here the whole dayâ
âSure, but you will stay here on your own. I am not staying here for more than an hour. â
âAre you still mad after all this time? I apologized a hundred times and you still have not forgiven me?â
âNo, you apologized but never told me why you did it. And I agreed to meet you so I can ask you in person. Why did you not deliver my thesis even after reminding you so many times? I had worked hard on it and you knew itâ
He just looked at me hopelessly and buried his face in his hands.
âI messed up and I am sorryâ
âI do not want an apology. I want an answerâ
He looked at me with tears in his eyes.
âI am so sorry baby, I never wanted it to be like thatâ
âWhat were you hoping for when you kept lying to me through your teeth?â
âI really donât know, I never thought it would escalate this farâ
âI bet you thought it will be like all the other times? When I would still forgive you for after your mess? You knew I was under scholarship yet you still jeopardize my chances of graduating that year? â
âI realize now how stupid I was and I am apologizing from the deepest part of my heartâ he knelt down in front of me.
I stood there and just looked at him. I realized that he was a bedbug who only lived from sucking people without care or concern. That he was just selfish and never cared about who got hurt in the process. That I needed to cut him off my life completely or else, he would crawl his way and suck everything within his reach until there is nothing left. He was a pest and I needed to flush him out.
âSince we have that cleared out. I am leaving and please do not call or text me again. I never want to hear or see you again in my lifeâ
He looked at me with bewildered eyes. In all his crazy imagination of how the events would turn out, he never expected me to take a stand like that. He stood there for a whole five minutes debating on what to say to me and when he saw the determined look on my face, he knew there was no way he could convince me otherwise.
âOK I respect your decision. Can you at least do me one little favor for all times sake? Can I please go to your house so I can shower and change clothes?â
I look straight at his face to try and read his thoughts. I point out to a white house a few meters from us. It was a light house used to guide big ships into the shorelines of Mombasa.
âDo you see that white house over there? He nodded a yes. âYou can get a toilet and a shower for 20 shillings. You are crazy if you think am letting you near my house. Goodbye Brian.â
I got into a tuktuk and left without a backward glance.
âWell, how did it go?â Kevin inquired as soon as I stepped in the room.
âHe did not have a reason. I told him never to call me againâ
That night, we went out to celebrate. I wore a purple dress with a white belt and matching shoes. Immediately we arrived, I ordered my drink, left my wallet with Kevin and headed to the dance floor. I danced to all the songs that were played and only left to get a sip from my drink. I caught the bewildered couples sitting next to us but I did not give a damn. Kevin just gave out a laugh and said to them âshe is celebratingâ.
We then head over to my house and I showed Kevin all night long how happy I really was.
We woke up late that morning for obvious reasons and spend the day just lazing around the house and watching movies. Kevin insisted we go out for dinner. I quickly showered and changed before we headed out. We have our dinner at our favorite place and enjoy each otherâsâ company.
Before we leave the restaurant, Kevin took both my hands and held them before kissing them and saying âI do not know what I will do without you in my lifeâ
âAaahh thatâs easy. You will find a pretty woman who will make you happier than you are now and give you nine children as you want!â I joked
âNo, I am serious Yusra. You complete me. Believe me when I tell you I will never love another woman after you. I already told my mum that you are the woman for me, and if it is not you, then it is no oneâ.
âAnd what did she say?â
âThat if I was ready to convert to Islam because your family will not allow itâ
âHahaha! She is right about that one!â
âI am ready to be a Muslim, marry you and spent the rest of my life with you.â
âAre you sure about this? Once we take that road there is no going back.â
âI have never been so sure in my whole life.â he then dropped on one knee and asked âYusra, will you marry me?â
A thousand scenarios ran through my mind on how my family will react. They have accepted all my rebellious actions and compensated with the fact that I had at least become independent and made a name for myself. But marrying outside my culture and religion was going to be a big blow to them.
âAm kind of stuck hereâ Kevin pulled me out of my thoughts.
âOf course yes!â I was going to deal my family afterwards.
I started with my strongest supporter, my dad. I told him I was in love and wanted to get married.
âOk, tell him to come with his peopleâ he said casually.
âThe issue is he is a Christian from the Luo communityâ I decided to cut right to the chase.
âAnd is he willing to marry you as a Muslim?â
âYesâ I replied eagerly.
âI see no problem then. There are other people that we know that have done the same. Just let me know in advance when he coming with his people.â
One down, a thousand to go! I went to talk to my mum.
âMum, your prayers have been answered. I want to get married!â I said to her.
âAlhamdulillah! Thatâs is so great my daughter! For once I thought you were possessed with mpenzi jini (demon) who did not want you to get marriedâ she laughed.
âI guess not!
âSo who is the lucky guy? Do I know him?â
âNo, you donât know him. But you need to have an open mind Ma.â I warned before dropping the bombshell. âHe is a Christian from Luo community who is converting to Islam.â
âWhat! You canât do that! What will people say?â
âMum, I donât care what people sayâ
âBut I do care!â she raised her hands and started pacing up around.
âAre you willing to put my happiness at risk because of what people will say?â
That got her to calm down.
âI want to see him before anything elseâ she finally said.
âAm so nervousâ
âDonât worry everything is going to be fineâ
âAre you sure?â
âYes, am sure my mum would love you! Now letâs go!â I said to Kevin and started walking out. I did not want him to see that I was nervous too. He followed closely behind.
Soon we got home and I first introduce him to my dad who sat outside our house. They exchanged pleasantries and my dad introduces himself as âthe king of the houseâ. I stood there silently watching. âI want to go and have some kahawa tungu with the wazee, do you have some change?â he asked Kevin. âWell, that did not take long,â I said to myself and smile as Kevin fumbled with his wallet. We head inside to see my mother.
I invited Kevin to the sitting and went to fetch her. She came in and Kevin got up to greet him.
âWelcomeâ she said to him.
âThank youâ
âSo, you want to marry my daughter?â she went straight to the point!
âYes maâamâ
âAre you aware of our cultures and religion?â
âYes maâamâ
âAre you sure you want to leave your culture and religion behind? What do your parents say about this marriage proposal?â
âI already told them and they have accepted it. I love your daughter very much and I am willing to do anything to make her happyâ
âOne last thing. We as Muslims bury our dead immediately. We do not put them in mortuaries. Are you okay with that as well?â
That question got both of off guard. Who expects to be asked about death when you are barely married!
âCome on ma! That too muchâ I had to intervene before she gave him a heart attack!
âNo, we need to be on the same page now. God forbid but I donât want to hear him saying he is taking you to mortuary!â she insisted.
âYes maâam. I understand perfectlyâ
âAnd?â
âI will be the best husband to your daughter that it will even make you jealous!â he joked and I was relieved to see my mum laugh.
âAalililiiiii!! Harusi tunayo hatunayo! Tunayooooo!â
I was not a fan of big weddings and never really attended any unless it was a close family or friend. My sisters knew I never wanted a wedding, if it were up to me, I would visit the Attorney Generalâs office and just sign the marriage certificate. But my sisters were insistent, so I agreed to a Nikkah wedding. This is a small wedding attended by only close relative and friends that lasts for about 2hours.
âThe wedding could take place as soon as the bride is paid.â My father said. âHe can pay some cash which should cater for the wedding expenses but you have to say what you want for your bride price. Either house furniture or gold jewelry setâ
âI donât want anything. He can just pay the cash amount only and we can get marriedâ I said dryly.
âWhat? You canât get married without him paying the bride price in full! It is unheard ofâ my sisters were shocked.
âYes I can. It is my wedding and I will do whatever I want. You had yours right? He knows what I want and he will give it to me in due courseâ That shut them up. I was a very stubborn bride to be and they soon gave up and waited for the wedding day.
I shopped on my own for simple dress that I could wear at the wedding. I did not mind the color as long as it was simple and elegant but affordable. I was not about to spend a fortune on a dress that I was going to wear once. It was ridiculous how businesses reap profits in the name of wedding ceremonies.
I had initially refused to apply heena on my hands and feet. I had seen the struggle during my sisterâs wedding. It had literally taken a whole day for her to get it done and we had parted with a lot of money because she was a âbrideâ. I finally decided at the last minute to go alone and got a nice pattern at a price three times cheaper. I never said I was the bride.
I called one of my friends who own a saloon and asked her if she knows how to do simple hair and make-up. She said yes. I was good to go.
Ding! My phone showed I had a new message from Kevin.
I was told to bring Halwa. What is that and where can I buy it?
Is he serious? I typed out a reply.
You have lived in Mombasa all your life and you donât know what Halwa is?
I really donât
âWell, it is a sweet delicacy that is taken with black coffee. You have to make an order beforehand. You can get some in town around bondeni.
Ok thanks future wifey!
Bye future hubby!
My alarm went off signaling a brand new day. I got off the bed and knelt down in prayers thanking God for letting me see another beautiful day. I got ready and left for work. To me, it was like any other day. I left at 12noon since it was a Saturday.
I went to my house, showered and changed. I carried what I needed in my handbag and headed for the saloon.
âHi! I am attending a wedding at home. Please make me beautiful. Simple hair and face make up.â I told Munira.
âOK. What the color of your dress?â
âBlueâ I showed it to her.
âNice color. I will do your hair first then finish with make-up.â
I sat down and waited for her to work her magic. I rarely wear make-up myself but I canât leave the house without applying eye pencil to my eyes. That was a great sin in Swahili culture as we believe the power in the power of the eyes.
The result was breathtaking, even the other ladies seated in the salon were amazed. She had put my hair up and added some hair extension then combed all of it into a bun. My make-up was simple, just like I wanted. I changed into my blue dress which hugged my figure perfectly although I didnât have big curves, I was a size eight. It had a short sleeves and was open at the back. I put my shoes on and was ready to go. I called my closest friend Agnes to come pick me up.
âWow! You look so stunning! Simple but smart!â Agnes exclaimed when she saw me.
âThank you dear! Now letâs go get married!â
We arrived at my home and the place was quiet. We got off the car and went inside the house calling out my mumâs name.
âMa! Am here!â
I found them seated my sister and aunt eating lunch. The look on their faces when they saw me was priceless! They never expected that I would do everything on my own. That I would show up all made up and ready to just sign the marriage certificate.
What happened next was hilarious! It was like a light bulb has just been switched on. They abandoned their food and got up quickly while singing vigelegele .Alililiiii! Harusi tunayo hatunayo! Tunayo! Neighbors started showing up to see what was happening and more singing erupted. More and more people started showing up. I knew it would escalate quickly so I shot a quick text to Kevin
Hope you are on your way. A lot of people are already here. The more we delay, the more this house will fill up with uninvited guests!!
I received a reply immediately.
On our way my love
I was relieved.
Kevin soon arrived with his parents and friends. There were more singing outside the house before they were ushered in. I was in another room waiting for the ceremony to start.
The imam soon arrived and the ceremony officiated. My father was my representative and gave my hand away. He was asked if he agreed to marry me off to Iman (this was the Islamic name Kevin chose) and he said yes. Iman was sked if he was in agreement to marry Yusra, he said yes. I was not present here because my dad was my representative but the Imam still has to see me and ask me the same questions before I sign the marriage certificate. Kevin/Iman was then allowed to come in and see me. His expression gave it all away at the first glance, he could not believe that his dream finally came true.
We took some photos with everyone. I could not imagine where all those people came from, gate crashing it was indeed.
The ceremony felt last it lasted for more than two hours. Pose like this. Look like that. Stand here. Go there. I felt like a peacock on display and it was for this reason that I hated wedding! The wedding was over and Mr. and Mrs. Iman were ready to leave and start the unknown marriage journey which was full of happiness, sadness, compromises and promises.
Before we left, my aunt pulled me aside for the marriage talk.
âMy daughter, respect your husband and never test his ego. The only way to a manâs heart is through his stomach which must be attended by none other than you. Feed his hunger and quench his thirst, both in the kitchen and the bedroom, and he will never look like a stray dog moving from one place to another. Wear decent when outside but when inside the house with him, appease his eyes with your beauty and leave the holiness in you outside the door. In there, you are the queen and he must worship you.â
My aunt may have been old fashioned, but I was not going to doubt her years of experience in the field. As much as I was an independent working lady, I left all that at work and transformed into a loving wife at home. I made sure to follow her advice all the way.
The first year was blissful. We did not for honeymoon right away since we were both busy at work. But when we did, we revisited the place he once took me in Malindi. We took a boat ride at the Marine park beach and went snorkeling with the fish and feeding them bread. It was awesome.
Six months after the wedding, we decided we were ready for a baby. Soon I was pregnant with a child and Kevin was really happy. He called everyone out of joy. My pregnancy was smooth. No morning sickness. No weird craving. No hating of bae.
I was very keen on saving and insisted that we start saving immediately we found out I was pregnant. It was on my third semester that I informed my family that I would not be assisting anyone financially until I gave birth. I was saving every bit of coin because births were unpredictable.
Sadly, that was when my relationship with my father got ruined. I used to give me a share of my salary every month and one week later, he would still demand for more. I would always look for means to finance his expensive lifestyle and ended up quarreling with my mother.
He could not understand why I refused his demand for money and when he realized that I was serious, he threw abusive words at me and threatened to disown me.
âYour mother is the one that told you not to give money eh? So you have decided that you donât care about me anymore? If I die then donât even attend my funeral!â
My pregnancy hormones were high and I would always find myself crying all the time. I finally did what I had to do. I blocked him and kept to myself. I would go to work every morning and come back in the evening. I would cook and do simple house hold chores while I waited for hubby. I concentrated on me and my babyâs wellbeing. The rest could go to hell for all I cared.
âThe baby is breachâ my gynecologist said to me.
âWhat does that mean?â
âMost babies settle into a head-down position, ready for birth, by about the last month of pregnancy. When a baby is positioned bottom-down late in pregnancy, this is called the breech position. â
âSo now what?â
âWe can wait maybe the baby will change. But this being your first pregnancy, chances are very slim. Let us give it two weeks to see if there are any changesâ
I prayed and did everything I could that may assist the baby to change position but the ultra sound conducted after two weeks did not give good news. I was beginning to get scared as the D-day grew closer. We discussed our options with the doctor. One, we could wait until I start labor and if the baby is still breech, then I go for emergency C-section. The challenge would be the charges will be very high. Two, we could opt for planned C-section.
I was getting tired by the day and when the final results of the scan came through, we decided to go for planned C-section.
My hubby and I left the house at around 11 at night and headed to the hospital. We filled out the paper work and got admitted at The Mombasa Hospital. My mother had come earlier at the house to check up on me. She prayed for me and promised to be at the hospital very early in the morning.
I was very nervous but my prayers calmed me down. I had written down my will and wishes the previous day. I had even written down a letter for my baby as well. It was an emotional day for me but I braved on for my unborn baby and kept praying to my God. I was ready for anything.
The nurses came in and I said my goodbye to my hubby. I was then wheeled into the theatre.
âWhat is your name?â
âYusraâ
âWhatâs your blood group?â
âO+â
âJust relax. Breath in and outâ
âOkâ
âAm going to put this on your mouth and nose. I need you to count to ten. Do you understand?â
âYesâ
âGoodâ
âOne, two, threeâŚâŚ.and I blacked out.
âHey, come on, wake upâŚâ
I could hear a voice talking to me but my whole body felt so heavy. I could not even lift an arm.
âWake up.â I could feel someone slapping my cheeks lightly.
I felt dizzy and sleepy. I struggled to open my eyes and see who was talking to me. I could see bright light above me shining in my eyes. Is this heaven? I asked myself as I struggled to stay awake.
âYou have a beautiful baby boyâ the voice persisted.
I managed to open my eyes and finally saw who was talking to me. It was my doctor.
âCongratulations Yusra, you have a beautiful baby boy!â
I tried to respond by saying something but no words came to my mouth. I was still in a haze, unable to control my body. I just smiled.
I was wheeled back to my ward. I could see my hubby right beside me on the stretcher. I passed out again immediately I was put into the bed.
I woke up sometime later to voices talking around me. I tried to open my eyes again and luckily, I did not struggle much. My mother, my hubby, my father in law and my sister in law were there. The baby had been taken into the nursery.
âCongratulations my dear!â my father in law said to me happily.
âThank youâ
âHow are you feeling?â
âLike a truck has just run through me a hundred timeâ that was the best explanation that could come up in my mind. The pain in my lower abdomen was just unbearable. I could not turn without wincing. But boy was I glad I came back from the dead!
The baby was soon brought so I could breastfeed him. I took him in my arms and looked at him. He was so tiny and seemed so fragile that I was afraid I would hurt him. He looked back at me with his innocent eyes and I vowed right there and then, to protect him from all the harm in the world. He gave me the strength to endure all the pain I was feeling then.
I was shown how to do breastfeed him and the little fella was soon sucking away!
We stayed at the hospital for three days. My mother insisted on sleeping there at the hospital with me, so hubby would go home at night. Even though she was not of much help as she kept sleeping through the babyâs cries and wailing at night, I was glad she was there with me. I had no complication and my wound was healing fast so we were discharged on the third day.
âSo are you going home or back to your house?â my mother asked.
We had earlier discussed that being me being a first time mum, I would stay with my parents for the first forty days so they can help us take care of the baby. But after my fiasco with my father, that was not a wise choice.
âMy baby and I are going to my house. I need all the energy I have to take care of my son.â I said excitedly.
âAre you guys ready?â Kevin walked into the ward and kissed my cheek.
âWe are more than ready, arenât we baby?â
âThen letâs go home!â
The end
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